Something That We're Not
by Enlightening Tale Brethren
Summary: Rose and Christian have always loathed each other. But they both have one thing in common: They want someone they can't seem to have. Rated M for language and smut. Read at your own risk.
1. Make A Bet

I wandered aimlessly through the empty hallways. Everyone else as at dinner, so I was free to be alone with my thoughts and feelings... And believe me, there were a lot of them. Everything was sort of jumbled like a rollercoaster and it had been bringing me down all week. I decided I'd had enough of walking down the hall and decided to go eat in the chapel.

One might be wondering why I was alone right now, since I was usually attached to Lissa's side. Lately Lissa had been M.I.A. and acting really strange. She seemed more distant than usual, and she was always blowing me off. She'd traded lunch today with me in favor of partying with her new moroi friends, the royals. I suppose I could've tagged along, but I felt more like the third-wheel.

The air outside was fairly warm despite the fact it was February. I glanced up at the stars and smiled. No matter what, I doubted I'd ever get tired of the view that the plains of Montana provided. The chapel was warmer and dimly lit with candles. I didn't really dig the whole "God" thing, so I figured this was the last place anyone would look for me.

If anyone had even noticed my absence, which was not likely. The only person here was Dimitri. Dimitri is my super hot mentor who had made it blatantly obvious that he viewed me as a child and had no romantic feelings towards me whatsoever. Or so he said, but I wasn't entirely convinced.

Sure, he was a few years older than me, and he was supposed to guard Lissa too, but what did I care? I shouldn't like him, since gaining feelings for another guardian, especially one who will be helping guard your best friend is not wise. But I guess common sense and I just don't seem to mix.

I snuck past him and went to eat in the attic. I didn't want to talk to anyone, or have to fake a smile, so hopefully this secluded attic would do the trick. It was very dusty, and there was a lot of junk crammed into the corners. Damn, this place sure was filthy. I sat on a barrel and began picking at the sandwich I had swiped from the kitchen earlier. It was sort of soggy now, but it was better than sitting alone in the cafeteria.

Suddenly the door opened, and in walked Christian Ozera. Out of all the people here, he had to be my least favorite. Now, I'm not saying I hated him... But if he was on fire and I had water, I'd drink it. His parents had willingly become strigoi, something that most dhampmirs and morois despised. Of course, I didn't judge Christian on that factor alone, since it wasn't his decision. No, I disliked him because he was rude, reckless, cocky, arrogant, and a huge pain in my ass. Judging by the glare he shot me, he felt the same way.

"What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded, arms folded, leaning in the doorway.

"Oh, you know, having tea with a strigoi. What does it look like I'm doing?" I asked, sarcasm oozing in my voice.

"It looks like you're invading my personal hideout."

"Oh, well, gee, I don't see your fucking name written on it." I point out, anger pulsing through my veins.

I wanted so badly to hit him, or the wall, or really anything would suffice.

"One sec." he says, smirking. His finger suddenly lights up in a flame, and he very carefully burns Christian into the wooden wall. "There, now my name is on it."

I return his smirk, whip out a knife, and just as quickly carve Rose into the wall. "Now my name is on it too."

"Don't you have somewhere better to be? Or something better to do than sit in my attic?" He grumbles, blue eyes fixated on me, his annoyance clear.

"First off, it isn't yours. It's public domain, and second, maybe I just didn't want to deal with people right now. So how about you fuck off, cry me a river, build a bridge, and go fuck yourself?"

"At least I don't hang around royal, stuck up snobs and stare at Dimitri like a bitch in heat."

"Excuse me? Dimitri is my guardian, nothing more. And one of those 'stuck up snobs' happens to be my best friend Lissa, who I know you have a thing for."

"Yeah, ok, keep telling yourself that. Look, I know you pine after Dimitri. It's kind of sad and pathetic. You like him, I like Lissa, so how about we make a deal?"

I glance at him warily. Forming an alliance with a self-absorbed asshole like Christian doesn't really sound like my cup of tea. Trusting people is a very dangerous game. Never fully trust anyone, even your shadow leaves you when it's dark.

"Depends on your deal."

"We pretend to date, we make them jealous, then we go back to hating each other and cursing each other's existence, deal?"

I examine his blank expression, looking for any traces of joking, but there are none. He's really serious. The rational part of me tells me that this is a very bad idea in itself, but then the thought of Dimitri having to suffer through what I did takes over and before I can stop them, that fateful word comes out. "Deal."

He holds out his hand, and I shake it, basically sealing my fate. "See you later, Hathaway. Try not to miss me too much." He calls as I push past him.

"Suck my majestic dick." I retort as I leave the chapel.

The whole time I walk back towards my dorm, I'm wondering what the hell I've managed to get myself into this time.


	2. Begin Again

I awoke, feeling groggy and exhausted, almost like I hadn't slept at all. I yawned, and stretched, not wanting to get up. Mmmm, classes could wait, I'd just skip today. Unfortunately, that wasn't happening, because the moment my head hit the pillow, in walked Christian.

I immediately pulled the covers up, because last night I had chosen to sleep naked. Of course, it was just my luck that today a guy would decide to enter my room. "Rise and shine Hathaway!" he says cheerily.

"How the hell can you be so chipper when it's this early in the morning?" I grumble before pulling the blanket over my head. There are certain people that want to have full conversations early in the morning, and it's ok to kill these people.

"Oh no you don't. It's time to wake up. Our fans await."

Our fans? What the hell was he even talking about? And then all the memories from last night come flooding back, and I mentally kick myself. "Go away." I groaned, before turning over on my side and getting comfortable. I felt him tugging at the blanket, attempting to yank the covers off of me. "I'm naked!" I yelled, but he seems incapable of hearing, and continues trying to rip my protection off of me.

"Either get up, or I'll rip the covers off and drag you out of here. It would be quite an eventful day, showing up to class in your birthday suit. It will give people plenty to talk about." he threatens, but I can hear the amusement in his voice.

"You're such an asshole." I mutter before slowly sitting up. I already missed the comfort and warmth of my bed. Christian was still there, sitting on the edge of my bed. "So, I'm up now, no thanks to you. Can I get dressed now?" I asked impatiently. If there was one thing that Rose Hathaway lacked, it was dealing with annoying people that I hated early in the morning.

"By all means." He said, making no attempt to move. "Ok, let me re-phase that. Can I get dressed alone?"

He smirked, before walking over to my dresser and rummaging around. "So there's this thing called privacy. Ever heard of it?"

"Maybe once or twice." He agreed dryly. I was about three seconds from slapping him upside the head.

"You know, I'm about to spartan kick your preg ass." I growled, my patience growing dangerously thin.

"I'd love to see you try. You want to impress Dimitri right?"

I nod hesitantly, not entirely sure where this conversation was heading to.

"Then we have to change your look. You need to look sexy, and to do that, dressing sexy is part of the process. No offence Rose, but you dress like you live in a nunnery." And with that, he grabbed a white, low-cut shirt, and a belt.

"Uh, pants?" I suggested, staring at horror at the shirt he had picked for me. Lissa had bought that shirt for me, but I had never felt enough confidence to wear it. Yes folks, even I, the bold, outspoken Rose Hathaway still had problems with my self-esteem and lacking confidence at times.

"This should be long enough to sustain as a dress."

I held it up and glanced at him. "This barely covers my stomach." I point out, praying to God he chose something more appropriate for school. After all, I was training to become a guardian, not a stripper. He looks in my closet, shaking his head at every article of clothing in it.

"Nothing you have us suitable, so..." He slides off his shirt and flings at me. I glance at his body, and I must admit, I'm impressed. His body isn't as nice as Dimitri's, or even close to as toned, but he doesn't have a bad figure. He catches my glance and smirks. "Take a picture, it'll last longer." He says, his tone smug and full of cockiness. His shirt might go down to my mid-thighs, if I'm lucky.

"Fine, can I get dressed without you watching?" I ask, trying not to think of the rest of the hell this day is bound to be. He shrugs and turns the other way. I quickly slide on my bra, underwear, and the the shirt. I cinch the belt around my waist. "Kay, you can look now."

He turns around and nods in approval. "Damn Rose, you look good. If you weren't such a stuck up bitch, even I'd fuck you. Now, leave your hair down and this look just might work."

I ignore his comment, even though I was highly considering flinging some snarky comebacks his way. I slip on some flats and off we go. He grabs my hand as we walk down the hall and outside. I resist the urge to punch him. I loose count of how many horrified and shocked looks we receive as we enter the building. People began furiously whispering. Don't people have better things to talk about? Lissa looks especially shocked as she takes in our holding hands. Christian has this smug look on his face that I would love to wipe off.

Better yet, as we walk past the guardians, I feel Dimitri's eyes on me. His eyes are burning as he takes in the sight of us, and he looks like he wants to kill Christian right now. I feel victorious and Christian shoots me another cocky smile. "I told you it would work." He says as we walk to our first class. We immediately release our hands and walk to our separate seats. Lissa comes in and shoots me a look that says we need to talk. She probably would've began giving me the third-degree that minute, except the teacher started talking. Of course she would want to talk now that there's a new, supposed boy in my life.


	3. Burn

Class drones on, but I'm too nervous to care. Just what exactly am I supposed to tell Lissa? Oh hey Lissa, yeah, you know Christian? I hate him, but I'm pretending to date him so that you two can hook up. I can tell she's anxious to get this conversation started with, and the minute the bell rings, she springs up. But much to my relief, Christian walks over to me and grabs my books. "You know, I can carry my own books. I'm not completely helpless." I say, mustering up a sweet smile for the sheer fact that Lissa is heading in our direction.

"Hey Rose, can we talk for a minute?" Lissa asks, her voice slightly agitated. It appears someone is a little jealous. I can see Christian smirks in triumph, and I repress the urge to slap him in the face. He really is too cocky for his own good.

"I'm sorry, Liss, we'll talk later, ok? Christian and I already have plans." I say, grabbing Christian's hand and practically dragging him out the door. Lissa stands there, looking hurt and confused. The minute we're out of earshot, I turn to him. "What are we going to do? Lissa wants to talk, and I have no clue what I'm supposed to say!"

"It's simple, really. You just tell her that you're lonely, and it was a spur of the moment thing, but that we're trying to date. With any luck, she'll confess how she wants to be with me, and you being the good friend you are, will tell her that you're sorry, and you don't expect our relationship to work out. After that, we'll date long enough for Dimitri to take notice of you in the way that you want, and then, we can go back to cursing each other's existences, ok?"

"Sounds like a plan. I have to go practice with Dimitri now. Bye, _boyfriend_." I say sarcastically before heading off to train. My stomach is doing butterflies as I enter the training area. I always feel like this when I head off to train with Dimitri. Everything about him draws me in... His personality, his confidence, his discipline, his essence... Anything to do with him. He isn't in there when I emerge from the changing room, which makes me wonder if he's going to show up at all. Fortunately, he saunters in a few minutes later in a loose fitting black shirt that still shows off his muscles. I swear, Dimitri is most definitely a sex god. Things have been tense lately between us, ever since Tasha showed up.

I have nothing against Tasha, necessarily, but I do despise their relationship. I know I have no right to be jealous, because obviously I shouldn't be harboring any romantic feelings for my mentor, but I can't help it. He nods at me, but doesn't make any move to come towards me. "We won't be training today, Rose. I'm sorry, but I have a meeting with the other guardians about the upcoming ski trip, so practice is canceled. Try not to get into too much trouble." He says sternly, before he leaves. I feel a little bit annoyed. While I will admit that part of the reason I attend practices is because of Dimitri, it's also a great way to deal with my stress and pent up anger, and at the moment, there was a lot of that. Even if he's taking a vacation, there is no way I am going to let my body get out of shape for even a day. I've worked too hard. So, I spend the hour running and working on strength and stealth techniques.

I spot Christian on my way back towards the building. He's alone, as always, and he looks troubled. "Anything I can help with?" I say as I slid next to him on the bench. He looks at me briefly, before shaking his head. He grabs my hand, and we walk to lunch. Well, lunch for me, since his diet tends to consist of blood, and mine, of Doritos.

We're almost to the lunch room, when I see Lissa with Aaron, flirting with him. I cast a sideway glance at Christian and notice his jaw is tensed up. On top of Lissa being here, Dimitri is standing in another corner with Tasha, laughing at something she said. Well, gee, it's just a party.

Suddenly, Christian pulls me close to him. "Make this look good." he whispers in my ear, before he leans down and kisses me. For a split second, I'm shocked, before I warily begin moving my lips against his. His grip on me tightens, and I kiss him back harder.

We earn a chorus of "oooooo" before we break apart. I force myself to smile, and Christian returns to gesture. I can feel Dimitri's eyes on me, as well as Lissa's. I sneak a glance at Lissa. She looks jealous, and there are no words to describe the murderous look on Dimitri's face. "I think we put on a pretty good show." I murmur, and Christian nods in agreement.

I may not be in Christian's fan-base, but I will admit, he's a pretty good kisser. If he wasn't such a cocky, manipulative asshole, I wouldn't mind a purely physical relationship with him. That thought bothers me, because I shouldn't be considering things like that. I like Dimitri, and Christian likes Lissa. We don't belong together, and it's selfish of me to make up scenarios in my head. Lissa walks over to us, hand intertwined with Aaron.

"Hey guys. There's a party tonight, and I was thinking that you and Christian should come. We haven't had a chance to hang out for a while, and I think it could be an interesting experience."

I look at Christian, and I can see that while he has his trademark smirk on, his eyes are full of sadness and anger. "Sure, I'm down." I agree, silently asking Christian if he's game too. He nods, and Lissa smiles before walking off.

"I thought you hated parties." I state, as we resume walking towards the cafeteria.

"I do. But, in order to make this plan work, we have to flaunt off our 'love' as much as possible."

"I don't think they're expecting us to be in love... I mean, we just started dating."

"That's what they think. For all they know, we could've been secretly hooking up for months. So, I'll swing by your dorm around 6 to help you get ready."

"Are you certain you're not gay? I mean, you seem more interested in clothing than I do."

He growls, and shoots me an angry look. "We both know I'm not gay. If I was, I'd be hitting on Dimitri, instead of you. Remember, I am dressing you tonight. We have to make you look fuckable."

I roll my eyes, but inside I'm nervous. I already have a reputation as a slut, and I'm pretty sure that I don't want to add to that reputation with all my scanty clothing. Either way, tonight will hopefully be a night to forget.


	4. Burn It Down

The partying scene was once where I was most comfortable. I used to get along with almost everyone, and I was a guaranteed good time, or at least, I was good for conversation. A big secret that I haven't really let many people in on is that I'm actually still a virgin. I know it may seem very unbelievable, since most of my friends are guys, but I've always held this certain distrust towards girls. Girls tend to be more dramatic, and they're shady bitches.

However, when I ran away with Lissa, my partying days came to an abrupt hault. When you're spending most of your time trying to keep the last Dragomir princess alive, you can't afford to relax and be intoxicated. Stupidity leads to mistakes, and when you're relying on one dhampir girl to protect you, mistakes are something you cannot afford.

I glance warily at the clock, as it gradually approaches the hour of 6. I feel my dread and anticipation increasing, as the minutes fly by. Finally the digits flip to 6:00 and there is a knock on my door. If there is one positive thing I can say about Christian, it's that at least he's prompt. I sigh and open the door. He enters and immediately heads towards my closet. "Well, hello to you too, Christian. I'm fine, thanks for asking." I grumble, before I make myself comfortable on my bed.

"I didn't come here to make small talk, and neither did you. I'm not here to be your friend, and I most certainly don't consider you mine."

"The feeling is mutual." I snap, before I pull out some black nail polish and begin painting my nails. God, I hate him. He's holding an article of clothing in his hands, but from my peripheral view, I can't see which dress he picked out. I reluctantly get up from the bed and walk over towards him. He's holding a red dress. Dammit, I had been hoping he wouldn't find that. "Where have you been hiding this?" He asks. His back is to me, but I can still sense the smirk he's wearing right now.

"I meant to burn it."

"But why? Who knew you actually had a slight taste in fashion? I was starting to believe you were completely hopeless."

"I won't wear it."

"Yes, you will. It suits you, it's hot, and it will look good on you."

"No, I won't. My mom gave me that dress, and I hate my mom. She's a heartless bitch who values her job more than her own daughter. I refuse to wear anything she has ever picked out for me."

"Well, Rose, it sucks to suck, because you are wearing this dress, and I don't care what it takes for you to wear it. I'll stuff you in it myself if that's what it takes." His tone makes it clear that there is no room for negotiation. Too bad he doesn't know who he's dealing with. Rose Hathaway takes orders from almost no one, and it will be a chilly day in Hell before I take orders from a moroi.

"I'm not, and that's final. You can dress me in any other article of clothing, but I refuse to wear that fucking dress." I growl. He rolls his eyes and opens his mouth to protest. I give him a sharp look. "I will kick your ass if you make any attempts to put me in that stupid frock of clothing."

He snorts. "I'd love to see you try, Rose. Despite what you think, you're not as bad ass as you like to pretend to be. I could take you any day of the week."

I stand up. "Is that so?" I raise my eyebrow and take a step closer. He smirks again, and grabs my arm. "Yes, that is so." He says, and I react. I grab him and slam him into the wall, grabbing his arm, and attempting to hike it up his back. Unfortunately he predicts this move, and wrenches out of my grasp. Before I can react turns me around and pins me against the wall, pinning my wrists above my head. We're both breathing slightly heavier, and I realize that our faces are only inches apart.

"Come on Rose, that was too easy." He says, before releasing me from his grasp and tossing the dress at me. Dammit, I just got my ass handed to me by Christian of all people. Talk about a hit on my self-esteem. I scowl before running a finger over the material. It's silky, and it's one of the shortest articles of clothing I have. It still smells like the slightly minty perfume my mom always wore, and it brings an ache to my chest. I hate her, so much, and I detest this dress just as much. I can feel Christian's gaze on me, but I ignore it. I would rather die than wear this stupid dress.

However, Christian has made it clear that it's not up for debate, and I just want to get this night over with. I'm ready to not feel, for once, to not have to think, or deal with stupid drama or fake boyfriends. I motion for him to turn around, and for once, he complies wordlessly.

I undress quickly and slide the dress on, mentally cringing as I feel the fabric touch my skin. I hate the dress even more on myself than I did holding it. Wearing it brings me closer to her, and that's something I've never desired in my entire 17 years. I glance in the mirror. This dress goes down mid-thigh, and at least it hugs me in the right way. I'm hoping to get drunk enough tonight that some stranger can rip it to shreds with their teeth. Whoops, there's a slutty thought.

I head over to the bathroom, ignoring Christian's stare, and I began working on my hair. The silence is uncomfortable, but I have nothing to say at the moment. An hour later we're ready to go, my hair curled, my makeup heavier than usual. Christian holds my hand as we walk across the yard towards the moroi dorms. "So, why are you agreeing to go to the party? You hate parties."

"You don't know me as well as you seem to think."

"No, but I happen to know you've been exiled from society, and since you make it no secret that you hate just about everyone in our school, I fail to see why a party would excite you."

"It's simple. Lissa will be there."

"So, you're willing to socialize with idiotic morois and drunk dhampirs to get close to Lissa."

"If that's what it takes, then yes."

Another point for Christian. At least he's willing to do things that suck for those he likes.

"Why are you going?"

"Simple. There's alcohol. Alcohol helps me forget about things. It makes everything easier to deal with."

"Rose, are you saying you're an alcoholic?" Christian asks, for once sounding serious, and not snarky.

"Not even close. I can live without it, but I see no harm in indulging in a little fun every now and then."

We're almost to the dorms now, when we spot Lissa and Aaron walking towards us. "Change of plans, we're hosting this little rendez-vou in the woods. We were going to host it in Jesse's dorm, but it appears more people are coming than planned. We'll see you guys at the lake!" Lissa calls over her shoulder as her and Aaron head back in the dorm.

I sigh as we walk towards the woods. It seems like a great night to get eaten alive by mosquitoes. When we arrive, the party has already begun, many drunken teenagers laughing and dancing. I've missed this, I just never realized how much. I let go of Christian's hand and immediately sought out to find a beer. Ralf is by the keg, handing out beer to everyone.

"Here you go, Rose. Enjoy!" He says, handing me a beer. I mumble a thanks and take a large gulp, enjoying the slight burn as it slides down my throat. I go off to mingle, getting ready for the first good night I've had in a long time.

Three drinks later, and I'm not sure how drunk I am. I feel more wasted than I should. I mean, I've always been a girl who can handle her drink, so I'm confused. I feel like I'm floating, and I feel all giggly. Lissa and Aaron are dancing much to my relief. I'm not quite sure that I feel relieved. I just know, that for some reason, I don't want Lissa with anyone else. Christian is sitting over on a log, glaring at Aaron as he pulls Lissa closer, to the point where they're grinding.

I feel an arm snake around my waist, and I look up, confused. It's Jesse. "Hey Rose." He slurs. Damn, the kid sounds more wasted than I am. "Hey Jesse." I say, smiling. Jesse is pretty hot, and I'm to the point where I could give a fuck less what anyone else thinks.

"Want to dance?" He asks and I nod. We make our way to the crowd of slutty teenagers, before he presses himself against me. I lose myself in the music, enjoying the heat radiating from Jesse. I can feel something poking against me, and I realize in amusement that he has a boner. For some reason, that thought makes me laugh. "Want to go somewhere else?" he whispers in my ear.

"Depends on what you had in mind?"

"Well, I was thinking we could go somewhere more quiet." He says, grabbing my arm, and he begins pulling me away from the crowd. I haven't even given him an answer yet. Prick. Well, there goes my good mood. I giggle, but I feel this underlying sense of dread. For some reason, and I can't figure out why, I don't want to go anywhere with Jesse.

"I d-don't want... To... L-leave the party." I slur, trying to break free from his grasp.

"Ah, come on Rose, you'll love it, I promise. No one else has ever complained."

"N-no. I- I don't want to."

He continues tugging me further away from the crowd, and I can feel the panic starting to set in. I'm too drunk to fight. "L-;eave me alone." I protest weakly.

"There are two ways to party. You can agree, and save yourself the trouble, or we can do this the hard way. Jesse always gets what he wants, and I want you. You don't get to tease me, and then leave me hanging."

And with that, he slams me up against a tree, and begins bitting my neck.

"I think she said to leave her alone. Why don't you take a hint, Zeklos, and leave her the fuck alone." A familiar voice growls.


	5. Author's Note 1

Hey guys, Del here! I'm sorry, I hate Author's notes just as much anyone else does. Especially when the author hasn't updated in forever, and then it alerts you "Author has updated (insert story name here)" and you get really excited only to find out that the story is actually not being updated, but instead, you have to read all this stupid yammering, and it crushes your soul.

Haha, anyway, I am sorry that I got your hopes up, only to write a dumb Author's note. But, I need your input! You see, the last chapter went pretty swimmingly, if I do say so myself. Sorry, I'm totally rambling right now. I have two questions that I want you to answer, and we'll go from there.

1) How would you feel about the next chapter being in Christian's point of view? I know that there are people who hate that, which is why I'm asking for your opinion.

2) How comfortable with sexy time are you? Like, obviously this story is rated 'M' for a reason, because, eventually, there will be hookups in the book. It's sort of inevitable. I do plan on turning this story into a sort of long story, but, I want to find your comfort level. Some people are very comfortable with long, descriptive sexual scenes, and others cringe at it. I figure, if you're reading this story, you obviously wanted smut, but, there are the rare few who decide to read it because it sounds ok. I just don't want anyone bitching at me because there is sex in the chapters, you know? So, please comment and let me know!


	6. If You Can't Hang

Christian steps out from the shadows, his face twisted in annoyance. Jesse glances over at him, his shoulders tensing up. "She wants it, ok? So, why don't you butt out, Ozera?" Jesse snaps, his grip on me tightening. I struggle to break free, annoyed at myself for being too intoxicated to fight back.

"Clearly, she doesn't, if she's said 'no' at least a dozen times. You can't seriously be so dense that you don't understand the meaning of the word. I mean, I know you aren't used to hearing the word, but I never took you for a rapist." Christian says, stepping closer to us.

Jesse tenses his jaw, and clenches his fist. Can he please just let me go already? With great reluctance, he finally loosens his grasp, and I yank my arm free, stumbling slightly, before I manage to make it to Christian's side. "M-My herooo!" I slur, giggling, as I cling to his side. He glances at me, briefly, before his gaze narrows, and he glances back at Jesse. "Wow, you must be feeling really proud right now. Is your ego all good and puffed up? You fucking drugged her!"

Drugged me? Well, it would explain how I was able to get drunk so quickly, and why I was having problems with my coordination and thoughts. I just never thought Jesse was that low.

"I didn't drug her. I didn't even give her beer." Jesse protests. Christian takes a step forward, fists balled up by his sides, his stance making it clear he's ready to fight.

"Bullshit. Lying will do nothing to help you in this case."

"No, he's… R-right. R-Ralf ga-gave me the beer." I add, hoping to stop this fight. Honestly, I just want to go back to the party. Christian looks at me, and I can tell he's struggling not to knock Jesse's lights out. He shakes his head, and we leave Jesse, me leaning heavily on Christian for support.

The party is still going on, and it's as if I never left. I return to the festivities, trying to get past the fact that if it wasn't for Christian, I would have probably been raped tonight. I don't like depending on other people for support, so it greatly bothers me that Christian had to save my ass. It's quite irking. I want another beer, but I'm worried that if I accept any more from Ralf, there's a good chance that it will be roofied as well. When I said that I didn't want to remember tonight, this isn't really how I planned on it.

I go over to the cooler and grab a beer from it. At least I can trust that this hasn't been touched by anyone else, and as long as I keep the beer with me, I should be safe. I take a swig of it, before I return to dancing. 2 beers later, and I am completely trashed. I can't find my shoes, but I'm too wasted to care. I'm dancing with people that I'd never talk to in a million years, and it's the greatest feeling in the entire world.

For once, I don't have to focus on the darkness that Lissa exerts, the pressures of becoming a guardian someday, or other high school bullshit. It's wonderful.

Eventually, I find myself grinding on someone, another stranger most likely. Thankfully, it's not Jesse. He's sulking in a corner, glaring daggers at me. Men; They're all freaking babies.

I am lost in the music, focusing on the fast beats of the song, and the toned body of my dance partner. Whoever is dancing with me seems to be really enjoying it, because a few minutes later, I find that they have a boner. It gives me power to know that I can make men weak. God, that sounded a little cocky. I grind into them a little harder, and they hiss. Normally I would lack the confidence to do this, but tonight, I'm willing to make an exception.

But, there is still that nagging feeling deep inside that's warning me that it's not a great idea to indulge in hormonal fantasies. My dance partner grips my waist harder, and I can feel myself becoming more aroused. Fuck it, I want whoever I'm dancing with. I turn around, only to see, with slight horror, that it's Christian.

His eyes are slightly glossy, and I can tell that he's pretty wasted. I shoot him a questioning look, but he just shrugs. I turn to where I'm facing him, before pressing back up to him, and moving slower as the song changes. He groans slightly, pushing me closer to him, so that I can feel _every_ part of him. It's such a turn on.

I grab his hand and start tugging him towards the dormitories. He looks confused, slightly, and he resists for a second, before changing his mind and following. We're both stumbling pretty bad, and I feel a little light-headed. But, I also feel this surge of confidence, and the feeling that I can do anything. Plus, I'm a little horny.

We reach my dorm sooner than I realize. I glance up at Christian, who I find is already looking at me, as well. "Well… Good night, I guess…" I trail off, turning to go inside. He surprises me, by grabbing lightly on my wrist. I look up at him. "I'm... too… drunk… make it back to my dorm… sleep here." he slurs. I giggle and he leads me up the stairs to my dorm. Deep down I know this is a bad idea, but I'm tired, and I'm sure Christian is just as exhausted.

We reach my room, and I go off to take a shower. I hop in, letting the hot water hit my shoulders, and I begin relaxing. I almost scream, however, when the curtain slides open. Christian places a hand over my mouth and smirks. "What… What are you.. doing… in here?" I ask, more than a little confused. He steps into the shower.

"I'm… Saving water." He says, before grabbing a bottle of shampoo. I'm about to protest, but he just shrugs, and makes it pretty clear that he's not going anywhere anytime soon. Thankfully, I'm too drunk to care. I relax again, but that's short-lived, because Christian begins massaging my shoulders. I tense for a second, and I am about to whirl around, but he pulls me closer to him. "Just relax, Rose." he says, increasing the pressure on my shoulders. I'm so wasted, and I don't see the problem with a one-night stand. I mean, I've waited long enough. I moan quietly, and I can mentally picture Christian doing one of his trademarks smirks right now. Cocky bastard.

He continues to rub my shoulders, and I moan continuously. Finally, with a new surge of confidence, and thoughts that I will gladly blame on the alcohol, I do something unexpected. I kiss him.


	7. Unwell

**Hey guys, Del here, again. Sorry I left you hanging last chapter. But, I do have to keep the story somewhat mysterious. Otherwise, where's the fun? Anywhore, I am sorry, so without further adieu, here is the next chapter! Remind me, in the next chapter to give some shout outs to all the awesome people who have bothered to comment on my story and to actually read it. I really appreciate your existence. Stay strong, you're beautiful.**

He freezes as my lips meet his, but only for a split second before he whirls me around and pushes me against the shower wall, hard. But at this point, I don't care how rough it is. I just know for some reason, that I want this, and from how aggressively he's kissing me back, I know Christian wants it too. I'm nowhere close to being in love with him, but I do feel a physical attraction to him, that much is undeniable.

He licks my bottom lip, asking for enterance, but I decide to be a tease and deny him passage. He growls, before he grabs my ass. I gasp in surprise, and his tongue plunges into my mouth, and a battle of the tongues begins. My hands find their way into his hair, and I tug, hard. He groans before his grip on my hips tightens. I push myself even closer, until there is virtually no space left between us.

Christian's mouth moves from my lips to my neck, and he bites gently on my pulse point. "Rose…. Tell me to stop." He whispers against my skin. I remain silent, except for the occasional quiet moans that continue to slip from my mouth. He moves lower, moving down to my breasts, and he takes one into his mouth. "Tell me to stop, now." Again, I remain voiceless, as he takes one of my nipples, and gently bites.

"Rose, I'm warning you, if we don't stop now, I won't be able to stop at all." His voice is desperate now, pleading me to see things rationally and stop this before we make a huge mistake. "Who says I want you to?" I ask, my tone challenging.

He groans, before he takes my other breast into his mouth, and bites on it too. Eventually both of them are hard, and I find that I'm desperate for some kind of release. I feel his hand moving closer to my center, but I shake my head. Christian looks at me, his eyes silently asking if I want to stop. I shake my head, and grip his throbbing cock. His eyes roll back, and I begin sliding my hands up and down his length. He lets out a series of quiet moans, but if he thinks I'm going to let him cum quite yet, he's in for a rude awakening.

His breath is becoming raspy and it's coming in shorter breaths. But, before he can finish, I release. He looks at me, his face displaying clear annoyance at the fact that I just stopped him from orgasming. "What the hell?" he growls. I shrug, and turn to get out of the shower. The rational part of me has returned, and I am not going to sleep with my best friend's crush, even though I desperately want to. But, before I step out of the shower, I am yanked back to him. "Do you really think I'm going to let you walk away in the heat of the moment. I've wanted this for a long time, since before I had a thing for Lissa, and I intend to indulge in my desires. Rose, I am going to fuck you, every single way that I have ever fantasized about you." And his mouth once again meets mine.

I know this is wrong, that wanting this is very, very wrong. But, all I can concentrate on is his tongue around mine, and the way he's gripping me as if I'm the meaning of life. It makes me feel wanted, for once in my life. I'm going to lose my virginity, if it's the last thing I do, and it will be with Christian, tonight. He slides a finger into my folds, and I can't stop the loud moan that slips out. He smirks at me. "Enjoying this?" his voice is totally smug.

"Immensely." I reply, before my hand returns to gripping his cock.

He moans, and buries his face into my neck, as his fingers slide farther inside of me. "Fuck me, please?" I ask, desperately wanting to feel him fill me up. He doesn't hesitate, before the tip of his cock slides against my vagina, teasing me. I'm getting frustrated, and I bite his neck, trying to take my frustration out on him. Suddenly, there's a knock on the door, and we halt in our tracks. Christian curses under his breath, and I sigh, annoyed, and slide out of the shower, wrapping a towel around my waist before going to answer the door. I fucking hate stupid people.


	8. Author's Note 2

**** Hey guys, Del here! I'm sorry that I haven't updated in a while, since April 27, to be specific. I'm really sorry! I do have a legit excuse this time though. You see, recently, I participated in a protest at school, in which 13 of us were kicked off of school property for the day, and we protested for a voice on our school board. I am now majorly grounded. I was already grounded, but now I have gotten all privileges revoked. That includes my phone, laptop, notebooks, ipod, outside… Everything has been taken away.**

**All I am allowed to do all day besides homework is read atlases, dictionaries, and encyclopedias. Yay. So, I will update when I can, but school is ending very soon, and I have no clue when I'll be ungrounded, so there is a good chance it could be a while. I'm really sorry! Now, for those shoutouts I promised.**

**First, I would love to thank xxX I love vampires Xxx for being amazing and commenting on all my updates and really making me feel like someone gave a shit about my story. Thank you so much for being an amazing person and for giving me your honest input. It makes my job as a writer so much more enjoyable. I love you, you seductive peasant.**

**Second, I would like to thank my most recent reviewers, Mercenary prev. GoChlollie, countryheart, and BenjyLovesCloud for leaving such positive feedback. Of course, you're not even close to the only people I want to thank. I want to seriously thank everyone who has bothered to read my story, and for being so patient with my laziness and rubbish chapters. I love you all so much, and I want to thank you and express my honest gratitude to everyone who has bothered to read this story.**

**I mean, 47 follows and 32 favorites? I NEVER expected so many people to read it! It might sound kind of stupid, thinking that that's a lot of readers, but on another site I use called Quotev, I'm lucky if 3 people read my story, so this is kind of a huge deal. Thank you so, so much! I love each and every one of you, and I am working on the next chapter as we speak. I'm hoping to have it posted by later tonight. Thank you, you sexy, amazing, perfect peasants!3 ****

**-Enlightening Tale Brethren**


	9. Bittersweet Symphony

I hesitantly opened the door, and about sighed in relief that it's just Dimitri. I mean, maybe I should be freaking out right now, since I totally just almost boned Christian, but knowing my luck, it would be Kirova or Lissa at the door. That would be the highlight of my young life. I see Dimitri's gaze briefly go up and down my body before he looks at me with a stern expression. "Can I help you?" I ask, feeling slightly uncomfortable with the awkward atmosphere I'm currently in.

He looks at me once more, not saying anything, which is pretty weird, since Dimitri has never been one to hold back his opinions before. He's always been a pretty blunt person. "Yeah, I wanted to talk to you about Christian.." He says, wordlessly asking me if he can come in. I hold the door open and he timidly steps inside. I don't even bother to wonder how he knew I was at Christian's dorm. I secretly think Dimitri stalks me.

"What about Christian and I?"

"I don't like it."

"Why? He's not a bad guy. Sure, he's a royal pain in the ass, and he gets on my last nerve all the time. But he's not a bad guy, just because his parents chose to turn Strigoi, doesn't mean he's going to, if that's what you're implying."

"No, that's not what I'm implying. I know he's not evil and he's nothing like his parents. I simply meant, I don't like it, because I don't like seeing you with anyone else."

"And yet, you told me you held no romantic interest towards me, and you viewed me as a kid.." I add, raising my eyebrows for emphasis. It's weird, I'd imagined this moment a thousand times, and yet, I still wasn't ready for it. I wanted Dimitri to tell me that he wanted to pursue a relationship with me.

"I lied. I like you, Rose. I won't say love, but I definitely feel possessive towards you. It's been hell, watching you and Christian together, flirting, kissing, laughing…" He's about to say more, but I don't give him the chance, because suddenly our mouths are intertwined, my body displaying the emotions I could never say verbally. He doesn't hesitate before he snakes his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

Our tongues our battling for dominance, and for once, everything feels right. Well, it felt right, until I hear someone clear their throat. We quickly break apart, and I blush when I notice Christian standing there, looking slightly horrified at the sight in front of him. I feel guilty, even though I shouldn't, because it's not like Christian and I are actually together.

"Right… Uh, Dimitri, leave. Rose and I have some things to discuss." Christian says, eyes narrowing at us. Dimitri nods his head and leaves quickly.

"So, that was kind of awkward, I'm sorry you had to walk in on that.." I say, slightly apologetic.

Christian just smirks. "You know, I almost feel bad for walking in on you two. You were making soft porn, pretty much. I'm sorry for interrupting you two, and protecting you from an unpreventable teenage pregnancy."

"Gee, thank you for being so concerned for my well-being. So, does this mean we can officially break up then?" I ask, slightly hopeful.

He smiles, and nods. "Lissa did ask me to talk to her later, so this makes things slightly easier. Now I don't have to feel gross by kissing you. We can also pretend that the previous thing never happened, right?"

"Gladly. So, frenemies?" I ask, sticking out my hand. He gives me a weird look, but shakes my hand. I quickly gather my clothes and prepare to leave. I almost feel like I'm doing the walk of shame, except, we didn't do anything. Well, not really. I mean, my virtue is still intact.

I feel slightly guilty and disgusted for almost having sex with Christian, but Dimitri's timing was actually perfect. He saved me from really feeling true self-hatred, because I would've given my virginity to someone I didn't love. I'm just hoping that Dimitri will pursue a relationship with me soon.

Christian shakes his head and grabs my wrist, gently. "Stay here, Rose. One night won't kill you, and you're drunk. If you're caught, you're fucked. My bed is pretty big, so just sleep here tonight." He says, leading me to his bed.

If I was sober, I would most likely not agree to this. But, he brings up a big point, and I am so tired, so I crawl under the warmth of the covers and turn on my side.

"Good night, Rose." Christian says, before turning away from me.

"Night, Sparky." I mumble, before sleep overtakes me.


	10. Do It Now, Remember It Later

I awake with not only a pounding headache, but strong arms wrapped around me. For a minute, I'm really confused. Did I actually hook up with someone? Is my virginity no more? I want to turn around to look, but I'm scared about who it is. What if it's someone I'm going to regret?

I turn my head a fraction of an inch, and feel shock, horror, and dread engulf my emotions. I slept with Christian? He groans in his sleep, and that's when I realize that I can feel his morning erection pressing into my back.

I contemplate my options. I can either lay in bed and wait for him to wake up, or I can try to quietly leave and hopefully he'll never know I was here. I decide option 2 sounds best. I try my best to ease out of his grip, subtly. The last thing I need is for him to wake up.

However, my efforts are in vain, because as soon as I ease his grip off enough to get out of bed, I am pulled right back into him, but this time my bare chest is touching his.

I bite my lip, and try not to think of last night. Things didn't go as expected last night, and we went a little farther than I ever planned. But, for some reason, I find myself sort of wishing things would have progressed between us.

I glance up warily, and I feel shocked when I notice that Christian is staring at me, his blue eyes clearly open and alert. "Uh… Good morning." I say quietly, trying to figure out how to make this situation slightly less awkward.

"Good morning." He says quietly, his gaze moving from my eyes to my lips.

"Listen… About last night…" I begin, but I am silenced by one of his fingers gently touching my cheek.

"Shh… Now is not the time to be talking." He says, his other hand tracing light patterns on my lower back.

"Christian…" I whisper, before his mouth closes the narrow space between us, and he kisses me. I am shocked for about a split second before I automatically begin kissing him back.

His hand stops tracing patterns, and he pulls me to him, where our bodies are touching. I can feel the heat radiating off his body, but at this point, it's a nice thing. I melt into the kiss, mostly because it takes my mind off of my bitching headache, and partially because I actually do have a slight attraction to Christian.

Our kisses are slower than last night; Well, they are for a couple minutes before he intensifies the kiss and wraps his tongue around mine. I kiss him back slightly harder, and he groans, positioning me so that I'm straddling him.

One of my hands finds its way into his hair. The other begins tracing lightly up and down his stomach. He gasps, and I take the time to take over complete dominance of his mouth. Christian's mouth moves from mine to my neck, nipping, and then soothing the areas with his tongue. I just hope he doesn't leave marks.

My hand engulfs itself in his hair, gripping it almost painfully. He moans, and his arms grip me tighter, pulling me completely against him. We're so close now, that I can't even tell where he begins and I end. "Do you want me, Rose?" he asks huskily, a slight smirk to his tone. But, I can also hear the lust that has made his voice deeper, his eyes are the darkest blue I've ever seen. It makes me want him that much more.

I gulp, and feel a slight hesitation. Yes, Christian is hot. But, he may or may not be involved with my best friend, and she clearly likes him. It would be wrong to continue this any further, and I am about ready to protest, to do the right thing and call this whole thing off, when his hand dips down to my center, and he strokes my clit.

I let out a soft moan, and my mind goes blank. He strokes my clit again, before one finger enters my slick folds, and I let out a slightly louder moan. I grip his throbbing member, and he clenches his jaw, his eyes staring at me with heated intensity.

He pushes his finger further into me, angling upwards, making me writher with need. I return the favor, and begin stroking him. "Rose..." he mumbles, before his lips crash against mine.

We're kissing, both us trying to convey our lust and need for each other. Our tongues move frantically against each other, almost animalistic at this point.

I want him, in this moment, no matter what consequences arise later.

He flips us over so that he is resting on top of me, his erection once again pressing into my stomach. I grip his cock and move the tip to my entrance. He looks at me, his eyes reflecting blue fire, before he pushes into me. "Fuck Rose, you're so tight." He moans, and continues pushing further into me.

It hurts like a bitch, that's for damn sure. But, I am the master at hiding things, and as he begins to move at a slow pace, it occurs to me that I never mentioned that I was a virgin. Oh well, it's a little late for that now.

I suppose I could mention it, but the way he is handling things is perfect. I don't want him to proceed with caution, and I don't want him to have any regrets about it, because I sure have none.

I wrap my legs around his waist, deepening our angle. He groans, before his mouth moves to my neck, nipping at it. But, he continues to keep up his slow pace, and that's not what I want. I thrust my hips up suddenly, and he grips my hips in a deathly grip. "Rose..." he groans again, before his pace increases significantly.

I moan, my nails raking up and down his back, probably leaving slight red marks. I can feel the tightening coil in my stomach and I know that I'm getting close. Or at least, that's how they always described it in the smuts I used to read. I'm not really an expert on how sex works, but I'm going to assume the stories were correct.

"I'm close." I manage to whisper out.

"Me too." He groans, thrusting harder.

Our pace is fast, our hips meeting thrust for thrust, our moans eliciting the room. I can hear the sound of our skin moving together, and I can feel the intensity of the moment, as well as the light sheen of sweat that covers both of us.

I'm so close, and I am becoming desperate for release. Christian must be able to sense it, because one of his hands moves from my hips down to my clit, and he begins frantically stroking it, as we both approach our orgasms. His mouth meets mine once again, and he nips lightly on my tongue, sending me over the edge. I clench around him, as my first orgasm ever racks my entire body.

"Christian..." I moan loudly, as I enjoy the intense feeling of pleasure.

His breath hitches and becomes more erratic, as he thrusts harder, as fast as he can, trying to push himself to cloud 9. I decide to help him, and my mouth moves to his ear, then the underside of his jaw, and finally to his pulse point, where I bite down, hard.

"Rose..." He moans, before quickly pulling out and squirting hot liquid onto my stomach. He looks exhausted, but also satisfied. I glance at him, and he meets my eyes. He smiles for the first time, and I grin back. But then the guilt comes and my smile falters. He notices the change in my expression.

"Rose, what is it?"

"We can't tell anyone about this." I finally say, once my breathing has returned to a semi-normal state. He opens his mouth to say something, but thinks better of it, and he nods.

"I know." He says, sighing heavily. We've really fucked up this time, that's for sure.


	11. Anything Could Happen

It's been about three months since Christian and I "broke up", and so far, things have gone about as swimmingly as they possibly can when you just hooked up with your best friend's crush.

Things were awkward between Christian and I, but we could just play that off as it being awkward because we dated. Lissa and Christian were an item now, which meant I got to spend a lot of quality time with the asshole.

We were careful to maintain a normal relationship in public; We bantered, teased, argued, and annoyed the living piss out of each other when we had the chance. Lissa was impeccably happy with Christian, and she was pretty thrilled that our "feelings" had gone away, and that we were now just friends.

That was partially true, but not the entire truth. Sure, we were sort of friends now. But, the feelings were a little more complicated. No, I wasn't madly in love with him, and I'm pretty damn sure that feeling was mutual.

But, there was casual flirting when Lissa wasn't too nearby. It was subtle and to the naked eye, it wasn't obvious. But occasionally our touches would linger a little too long, a gaze a few seconds past appropriate. Simple things like that. It was a game that I think we both liked playing.

I liked to view our flirting as simply harmless. I wasn't going to hook up with Christian again, I had mentally promised myself, but, I liked flirting with him. I had always been a slight flirt, of course, and I think that was the problem. I didn't view Christian as something I couldn't have, an item to lust after; I just liked flirting with him because in a way, it gave me a thrill.

Was it wrong? Hell yeah, on so many levels. I mean, a real friend would respect the fact that her best friend was in love with Christian, and back off. I however, enjoyed being stubborn. But, our flirting was still more or less, harmless.

I was with Dimitri now, behind closed doors, and in abandoned corridors. That was also a thrill. Sure, Christian was hot, and not bad in bed, but Dimitri was my world. I had never felt so happy, and I was determined to never let it end.

* * *

I was in the library studying for an upcoming test in Moroi History, when I felt someone cover my eyes. I tense slightly, and I feel slight irritation. I really needed to study, because if I flunked out of school, I would be a letdown to both Lissa and myself, and I couldn't do that.

"Guess who?" Someone whispers in my ear.

It's definitely not Dimitri, as much as I wish it was. Dimitri was always careful to make sure no one saw us together, or that anyone had suspicions that we were secretly hooking up.

In some ways, I hated it. It was one of the reasons I hated being around Lissa and Christian. I was jealous of their relationship. No, not because she was dating Christian, or that I now had to share my best friend's attention with someone else.

I was jealous, because they could kiss in public, hold hands, go on dates; Things that a real couple did. I understood where Dimitri was coming from, but in some ways, it made me feel like he was ashamed of me. But, if we were caught, he would be in a lot of trouble, and I didn't want that.

"Is it the Muffin Man?" I ask, deciding to play along, even though I really did need to start hitting the books.

"Depends on which Muffin Man you're looking for."

"The one that lives on Drury Lane?"

"Well, I'm not the Muffin Man, but I think I'm a pretty close second." The voice says, finally lifting their hands off of my eyes. I glance up to see Christian standing there, looking amused, but a bit upset as well.

"Aw drats. I really was in the moon for a chocolate chip muffin. Thanks for ruining my day, Sparky."

He huffs, and fakes being offended. "Ouch, Rose. I think you just hate me because I'm not black."

"Yes, that's obviously why I hate you. I can't stand you because you're whiter than snow."

"I knew you were racist! You're glad to see me. I may not be a black Muffin Man, but I brought you something equally as delicious."

I raise an eyebrow, looking at him in curiosity. "Oh really? Please don't tell me that the gift you brought me is yourself, because if it is, I want a full refund."

"Ouch. That was rude. I think I'm going to go be emo in a corner now."

"Just make sure it's not one of the hooker's corners. I wouldn't want you getting AIDS or anything."

"Gee, thanks Rose. I love your motivational advice. I never said I was going to go to a hooker's corner; Just a simple, plain old corner where I'll slit my wrists and cry because Rose doesn't love me anymore."

"Look who's catching on already!" I say, mocking sarcastic enthusiasm.

He says something else, but I don't hear what it is, because I glance up and lock eyes with Dimitri. He's reading one of his stupid western novels again, but I can see his jaw is slightly clenched.

I don't see why he's getting so jealous. It's not like Christian and I are anything more than friends. I've told him a million times that I love him, and that he's pretty much my other half. Someone needs a Happy Meal.

"Rose?"

"Huh?" I ask, directing my attention back to him.

"Did you hear anything I just said?" He asks me. But, his amused expression tells me that he not only knows that my attention was elsewhere, but he knows who I was giving it to.

"No, not really."

"And, why is that?"

"It's quite simple really. Try to keep up, because it may be a little complicated, but I think even your pea brain can keep up."

"I know you didn't just call me stupid."

"But, I did. Anyway, the reason I wasn't paying attention was because it was you talking, and not someone I actually cared about."

"Oh really? So, the fact that Dimitri is over there giving me the master of all death glares has nothing to do with it, does it?"

"Of course not. In fact, I don't even know why he's being so jealous. It's not like there's anything going on between us."

"Yeah, thank god. I don't think I could ever do that to Lissa; I could never shag her friend on the side of things. I hate that people still assume we're together."

"I agree. Like, is it really so weird that we're still friends? It's not like we were that emotionally involved in our relationship. We've both found people better suited for us, and we can get through this all normally, with no emotional baggage."

"Correction, we've already done that. We are just friends, nothing more. You're pretty much like a sister now."

"Awww! That's adorable. I didn't know you thought so highly of me."

"I don't. You're annoying, bratty, and a pain in my ass, just like a sister would be."

I scoff, giving him a mock look of hurt. "Ouch, now I think my ego is inflated."

"Good. It was about time for you to remove your head from your ass. Anyway, you never asked about the surprise I brought you."

"Tell me."

"No, you have to guess."

"But, I have to study. I've already given you most of my precious study time. The least you could do is tell me what gift I am about to receive."

"Meet me in the Attic tonight. You'll see then."

"Sounds kinky."

He rolls his eyes, and walks off, leaving me alone to my thoughts. I try to ease back into the book I was reading, but I find my attention is elsewhere. For one thing, I keep meeting Dimitri's eyes, and for another, I'm thinking about Christian.

Every Time he's around, I am happy that we're friends, because he's actually a really great guy; Well, once you get past his bitter, cocky, arrogant, and sarcastic front, he's funny, caring, and fun to annoy. But, I also feel guilty, because I put him through a one night stand like that, and while we both agreed to it, I felt nauseous every time I thought about that night.

I had said that I was willing to accept all consequences, and as far as quirky situations go, this one was mild. I figured it could be a lot worse, but then, I also felt like maybe it was my personal hell.

* * *

I left the library feeling groggy and less intelligent than when I went in. When it came to fighting, I was the girl to beat. When it came to knowledge… Not so much. This test was seriously stressing me out, and that was not a place that Rose Hathaway enjoyed being in.

I was ready to go to sleep, and never wake up, if it meant that I never had to deal with stupid tests, or boys, or life again. But, I wasn't depressed at all. Just a little apprehensive.

I just had to run home and then I would head over to the chapel to see Christian's "oh so amazing" surprise. It had better be worth it, because I was tired and cranky.

Suddenly, as I rounded a corner, I was pushed against the wall, hard. I meet Dimitri's eyes. Well, I am wide awake now. His gaze bores into mine, his body pressed close to mine. I can smell him, his scent of coffee, aftershave, and mint. His scent drove my senses wild, and it was one of the reasons I couldn't get enough of him. I'd never tire of him.

"Rose… I've missed you." He whispers, before crushing his lips to mine. I kiss back with as much enthusiasm, my tongue meeting his, our breathing becoming ragged and uneven.

I can feel him get hard, and I grind into his bulge. Normally, we were careful with our raging hormones, but today appears to be the exception. That was fine with me though.

I grind into him a little harder, and he groans again, his mouth peppering my neck with kisses. "Roza… You're the best mistake I've ever made."

I jerk away, as if I had just been slapped, which, metaphorically, I had been. Dimitri looks at me with confusion.

"W-What?" I ask, biting back tears.

He seems to realize his mistake right then, because his eyes widen and he takes a step towards me. "Rose, I didn't mean…"

But it's too late. I am already running off, his calls fading into the distance. Hot tears threaten to spill out, but I don't care. I run to the chapel, and ignore the curious stares of the few morois in the chapel. Thankfully, they were all freshmen, so they weren't too familiar with my identity. Or maybe they were… At this point, I didn't care.

I was hoping that Christian wouldn't be up there right now, so I could have a few minutes to cry and mourn, and be a typical heartbroken teenager. But, luck isn't on my side today, because he's sitting on a crate, his back to me.

"Well look who finally decided to show up. I thought you were shagging Dimitri, you were taking so long. I'm glad-" he turns to face me, and then notices my expression, and his eyes widen in concern.

"Rose, what's wrong? Are you ok? What happened?" He asks, standing up and walking over to me in two long strides.

And that's it. I lose it. I begin sobbing uncontrollably, my back sliding down the wall.

He sits down next to me, putting his arm awkwardly around me, pulling me close to him. Normally I would tense up and push him away, but right now, his embrace made me feel less alone.

"Rose, come on, please tell me. What happened? Was it Dimitri? Did he hurt you? Because I swear to god if he did anything-"

"He did, but not physically."

"Did he cheat?"

"No. I was walking back to my dorm from the library, and he met up with me, and then we were kissing… And I thought things were great, you know? But, just as things were getting hot and heavy, he told me 'Roza, you're the best mistake I've ever made.' A mistake? I never realized I meant so little to him."

"Rose.. I'm so sorry. Do you want me to kick his ass?" He asks, and I take a small glance at him. His face is scrunched up with sympathy and I can see his jaw clenched. He looks so determined right now, that I can't help but feel a little better.

I laugh a little and shake my head. "Like you could take him."

"Hey man. Don't underestimate my talents. I may not be Chuck Norris, but I could kick that Russian prat's ass any day of the week."

"I don't want to spoil your clearly insane thought process, but I don't want to see you end up on your deathbed. Dimitri would wipe the floor with your skinny ass. But, thank you for being there for me."

"I appreciate the sentimentality and all these feelings we're sharing, and your obvious lack of faith in me. But, why didn't you go to Lissa with this?"

"It's simple. I didn't want to get the 'I told you so' speech. She warned me not to go after him because she didn't want me to get hurt. I ignored her, and she was right, and I just don't want anyone to point out the fact that I was stupid and naive for going for a guy like that. Of course I would be a mistake to him! He made it pretty clear that he viewed me as a child. I feel so used, and hurt, and stupid! Why am I so stupid?" I shout, the tears spilling down my cheeks again.

Christian wipes a tear away with his thumb. "Rose, you're not stupid. We've all done things we regret, and that's normal."

"I feel like I've been hit in the chest multiple times with molten lava. It hurts so bad. But, I should've known. Why would someone like that go for me? I mean, I'm so plain looking, and he's sexy."

"Rose, you're wrong. You're absolutely gorgeous, and if he can't see that, he's a fucking idiot."

"No, he's right. It was all a mistake. I was naive and idiotic, and such a child! All I'll ever be is a convenient fuck, and he made me feel ugly, but now I see that it's true. If I was prettier, maybe he would've been more willing to pursue a relationship with me. Maybe if I had better eyes, or blonde hair or-"

Christian jerks my head towards him and shuts me up with the crashing of his lips against mine. I freeze in shock, all rationality going out of my brain. "Christian, what the fuck? We can't! We have to be better than that. Think about-"

"I'm done thinking, Rose. I may of only had sex with you once, but it was one of the best nights I've ever had. You took my virginity, Rose. Maybe you didn't want to know that, but yeah. I gave my virginity to you. I love Lissa, with my whole being. But, for one more night, I want **you**."

And with that, he kisses me harder, his hands engulfing themselves in my hair.


	12. Bulletproof Love

_Hey guys! Sorry for the long wait… I know, I'm an asshat. I'm still grounded, and I am in the process of moving, so things are… What you would say, a little hectic. Ha. Anyway, I want to thank everyone for the amazing reviews, and for all the encouragement I have received! I mean, the last time I checked my story, it was ranked 32 out of the 110 stories that are rated M for Vampire Academy with Rose x Christian. Now? I'm at 23. I'm sorry, but that's bloody amazing! I'm actually crying because I am so happy, and I've never cried for happiness before, in my entire life. So, thank you all, so much! You're amazing._

_I feel quite bad for leaving you all hanging out in the dark. I am so sorry that I have neglected my duties as an aspiring writer. So, to make up for my recent MIA, I have written an extra long chapter, just for you._

* * *

_"I'm done thinking, Rose. I may of only had sex with you once, but it was one of the best nights I've ever had. You took my virginity, Rose. Maybe you didn't want to know that, but yeah. I gave my virginity to you. I love Lissa, with my whole being. But, for one more night, I want **you**."_

_And with that, he kisses me harder, his hands engulfing themselves in my hair._

I seem to remember where I am and who exactly I'm about to shag, and that makes me snap out of it. I jerk back for the second time today, with the second guy I've kissed. God, I'm such a whore.

Christian's eyes are lazy and half lidded, but they widen when he notices my expression.

"Christian, no. We can't. We really can't. I want this, I really do. But, for fuck's sake, what are we even doing here? You have a girlfriend who just happens to be my best friend, and I have a boyfriend, that I like, a lot."

He sighs, running a hand through his hair in annoyance. The silence lingers, thickening in the air, until I feel like I'm suffocating. I need him to say something… Anything. Just to make things less awkward.

"You're right, Rose. I don't know why we're acting like this… So… savage. It's not fair to Lissa or Dimitri, and I think now is the time to really put an abrupt end to all of this. I'm not saying we shouldn't still be friends, but I think it's time to actually take all of this into consideration. It's time for us to start acting our age, instead of like hormone-ridden teenagers. If anyone ever found out about this, things could be bad."

I nod, silently thankful that he's being so… agreeable. But, at the same time, I don't really want all of this to end. I mean, we only hooked up once, and it wasn't like I loved the guy before. I wasn't really sure where all these stupid urges were coming from, but damn it, they needed to get their shit together, because I wasn't going to destroy three relationships for one night of sex.

"Right then.. I think I should go.." I mutter, slowly getting to my feet. He gives me one nod, before his attention turns to the wall. I'm reluctant to go, but this is the best way to deal with things, and I'm sure I could squeeze in some more time for studying.

God, how pathetic was my life? I was Rose Hathaway, and I was thinking about _studying_? There was something wrong with me, that's for damn sure. I left the chapel in a big hurry, mainly because I had this sinking feeling that Dimitri would be in the chapel, and he was the last person I wanted to make any kind of conversation with right now.

I walked across the nearly vacant campus, lost in my own thoughts, drowning and battling with feelings that were striking me straight in the chest. It was making me sick, and giving me a headache as well. Rose Hathaway needed to get herself in check, before she got locked in a psych ward.

As I neared my dorm, I thought I saw the faintest of shadows moving, and my guard was instantly raised. If there was one thing you never wanted to do, it was to underestimate possible stalkers and or strigoi. That was a dangerous mistake to make, and I wasn't going to be the one to make it.

I whip out a stake and clutch it tightly in my fingers, inching closer to the wall. I was hoping it was just some reckless hooligans lurking about, but you never know who you might run into.

I whirl my head around the corner, and drop the stake as I take in the sight that is currently unfolding in front of me. There are two people kissing, and I know these two people quite well.

One of them would be my sort-of boyfriend Dimitri, and the other would be Lissa Dragomir. My jaw clenches in anger, and I literally have to bite my tongue to stop myself from saying anything.

I desperately wanted to lash out at both of them, and demand to know what the fuck I had done to deserve this. But, I didn't. I had no right to be angry, because in retrospect, Christian and I had just almost hooked up, and so therefore, that was qualified as cheating.

Instead, I turned on my heel and walked the remaining distance to my dorm, tears once again flooding my vision. God, I've cried twice in the past hour (if even that), and both times were from the same man.

Or, should I say boy, because men don't cheat. At least, real men don't. But that's also hypocritical, because I'm a woman, and a woman should remain classy and not be hitting on her best friend's boyfriend when she does, infact, have her own.

The walk back to my room seems like an eternity. I had waited so long to finally be with Dimitri, and I thought maybe everything would be ok after everything between Christian and I. But, either the universe or karma had it out for me. Maybe both, who knows?

When I finally reach my dorm, I bang my head against the door a couple times, hoping maybe the pain would've helped comfort me. That was far from the truth. I was even more pissed than before, if anything.

I was pissed, confused, hurt… I was a whirling, psycho, hormonal girl who was very close to staking Dimitri herself. I close the door as quietly as my anger will allow. It takes all my self-control not to slam the door as hard as I can. I wanted to break something, or kill someone, or maybe do both at the same time.

Remind me… Just how illegal is it to stab someone for being stupid? Or for, in this case, playing tonsil tag with my **best friend**. Oh cruel world, what did I ever do to deserve this? Was this right? Did I even have any right to be angry right now? Probably not.

I flop onto my bed, fighting the urge to go back outside and scream at both of them until I could no longer feel my voice. But, I wasn't just mad because my boyfriend and best friend were apparently shagging behind my back. No, I was also pissed because Lissa was stringing Christian along.

Now, I'm, not saying that Christian was in any way, shape, or form innocent. But, I could tell he liked Lissa, and I was more than a bit furious that Lissa was now sneaking behind his back to wrap her legs around Dimitri. When they said karma is a bitch, they weren't kidding.

I'm also annoyed, because there are already enough secrets I'm keeping. I hadn't mentioned to Lissa that I was dating Dimitri or that her boyfriend and I had hooked up, twice. And now it looked like I was going to be forced to keep a secret from Christian too, because there was no way I was telling him about the disgusting scene I had just witnessed.

* * *

I was having a lot of trouble sleeping that night. For starters, earlier, I had pulled into Lissa's head, while she was shagging **my** boyfriend. So, I was more than just a little pissed. I expected this from myself, but certainly never from Dimitri, or from Vasilisa Dragomir.

_Her grabbing his shoulders as he thrusted into her, her screaming his name…. Him muttering hers…_ I was not a happy fucking camper.

Just when I could feel sleep creeping back into my night, I was once again, pulled into Lissa's head. Maybe I should just take up a permanent residence in her head, since I seemed to be pulled into there frequently enough.

The room was softly light, with a few candles lit everywhere. At first, I assumed maybe I was in Lissa's dorm, since she has all sorts of that crap in her room. The room is dim enough that I still can't determine where we are. Not that I'm really a willing participant on this rollercoaster.

I feel someone nipping at my collarbone, and I can feel my skin burning at the sensation of his lips against my skin. Maybe this was all a dream? I hear myself sigh, and I relax into the kiss. Hey, if it's a dream, who am I to stop it? He bites my skin, and I shiver in anticipation. There's no denying it… I would definitely shag Christian if it wasn't wrong.

I can feel Christian's standard smirk, as he looks up and meets my heated gaze. "Are you enjoying yourself, Lissa?" He whispers, his hot breath coming towards my ear. I feel a sense of panic and annoyance take over once I realize exactly what's happened.

It just figures that I would be trapped in Lissa's head again, while her and Christian shag in the chapel. Oh, and top of that, hours before I was pulled into her head when she fucked my boyfriend, and now, here we are again, as she has sex with hers. Lissa sure got around.

I begin calming down my body, preparing myself to break the bond for just a few precious moments. I was hoping that by raising my guard, I would have a fighting chance at escaping the scene I was currently witnessing. I had to get out of here before I lost all the will to escape. And it was getting harder the more Christian's hands ran down Lissa's body.

With a great effort, I wake up in my room again, and let out a shaky breath.

* * *

It was beginning to get more difficult to keep myself out of Lissa's head. The more the length of her relationship droned on, the longer that I was forced to deal with the hell that was erupting around me. As far as things were going, Christian and I were doing well. I hadn't told him about Lissa's obvious lacking ability at keeping her legs closed.

Getting trapped in her head was becoming an almost nightly thing, and my sleeping pattern was beginning to unravel. I was tired all the time now, and it was starting to affect my social life and academic performance. I didn't mention it to anyone. I figured this was my karma for sneaking around with my best friend's boyfriend.

As for Dimitri... We still hadn't really 'defined the relationship.' He hadn't mentioned the side sex with Lissa, so neither did I. But, I think Dimitri was beginning to realize that I was losing all attachment and interest in him. I was pissed that he hadn't even fessed up and that he was acting like nothing was happening. I had always known that Dimitri was a secretive person, but I had never expected him to keep secrets from me.'

Rose was slowly breaking between all the secrets and lies manifesting. I wasn't even sure what I was doing anymore. I had begun distancing myself from my friends and said "boyfriend." Lissa had definitely noticed, and I could tell that she was really worried about me. I could also sense that she was hiding something from me, but I couldn't tell what.

It was something completely different from cheating on Christian with Dimitri, because I already knew about that. But, she was hiding something else, and I was starting to get suspicious. When I was younger and wanted to grow up, they forgot to mention in the handbook that sometimes the person you'd take a bullet for is behind the trigger.

Or, in this case, two people that were currently stabbing you in the back. I was getting tired of being around such fake people, and I was seriously contemplating just leaving again. It would be easy enough to disappear, but I needed cash and an agenda before I could flee. So, I was stuck here, waiting it out. Days were beginning to merge into weeks, and the routine was getting boring.

I was tired of being woken up every night, of having to lie and be lied to by two people that I thought I could trust, and because for once, no one realized that I was carrying the weight of the world. I was getting weak, and quite frankly, I was beginning to find comfort in a bottle and Adrian. Adrian was probably the only person I thought I could even remotely trust right now, but I couldn't tell him everything.

* * *

Around 11 p.m. after another exhausting round of battling being trapped in Lissa's head again, I found myself in Adrian's room. He no longer questioned my visits, or tried to expose my motives. Hell, he didn't even mention anything about my erratic and slightly off behavior. I think he was waiting for me to be ready. I found that gesture sweet, and I craved his company that much more.

I knock quietly, tapping my foot impatiently as I wait for him to open the door. "Little Dhampir, should I just make you a key? You certainly come here enough."

"You're my escape." I say with a shrug, pushing past him, since he had forgotten to invite me in. I took the initiative to do it myself.

I flop down in a nearby chair as I wait for him to whip out the alcohol. Alcohol seems to be the only thing that numbs the pain anymore, and I was starting to worry about growing dependent on it. I didn't think I was going to get a very good rep as a guardian if I was constantly drunk. That was how people got killed; Due to stupidity and recklessness.

"I reckon you're waiting on the goods?" Adrian asks, as he heads over to his bed, where he pulls out a bottle of Peach booze. I give him a small smile as he pops the top off of the bottle and hands it to me.

I take a large, large swig, and nearly cough when the burning liquid slowly goes down the back of my throat. I pass the bottle off and begin leaning back, enjoying the numbing sensation that increases with each drink. We're quite for a long time, maybe because we're both oblivious and stuck battling our own demons.

"What's wrong with you Rose? I mean, lately your aura.."

"What's wrong with my aura?" I ask cautiously, trying to see how much he may or may not know. For all I knew, he could've been in my head many times without my knowledge.

"It's dark."

"You've always said my aura was dark." I point out, reaching again for the bottle. He passes the bottle, and I can tell from the look on his face that he's contemplating something. He's deep in thought, and I can tell he's carefully choosing his next words. I brace myself for the next words out of his mouth.

"Yes, but it's darker now. So is Lissa's. I'm not quite sure what's going on, and she won't tell me. But, something is definitely happening,, and I'm worried about what's approaching. We're approaching a vast, and inevitable hurricane of drama."

"I don't know what's wrong with Lissa either." I lie, handing him the bottle. He polishes off the remainder of the contents within, before giving me a hard look. I can tell that he's looking for any clues, or weaknesses that he can use to make me break. He's good, I'll give him that. But, I'm better at this game, and we've just entered Rose's best gamble.

"But, you have that bond-"

"Yes, but she's keeping something secret, and she's careful not to think about it. I don't know what she's up to, but whatever it is, it must be pretty big. This is the first time she's ever kept a secret from me, and I'm not sure what to do."

"You have no idea what could possibly be going on?" He asks cautiously, his eyes narrowing slightly in suspicion. _Come on, Rose. You're the queen of poker faces, and you're even better at getting people to believe your lies. He's just a pawn._

"No, I don't know. Lately I've just been... battling inner demons. I've started withdrawing from people to escape. It's put a dent in my relationships with my friends." I say with intent. I say it almost absently. As if I'm already trailing off to another subject. If I've set the bait right, he'll assume that I'm too damaged right now for some unknown reason to really know anything that Lissa has been doing in the night.

I can tell Adrian wants to fight, and to keep pressing on the subject until I confess, but he seems to think better of it when he notices the haunted look in my eyes. He sighs in defeat, and I fight the urge to break out into a victory dance.

"You know, whatever you guys are hiding, it will come out soon. I'd say you'd better hurry and air out your dirty laundry before the storm hits and the wind blows everything free."

I give him a shrug and I find myself once again closing myself off from the outside world. I'm back in my head, where all the nightmares are stored, and the only place I can think. Adrian's voice muffles into background noise. I couldn't tell anyone about Lissa and Dimitri. If Lissa or Dimitri found out I was aware of their extra curricular activities, they would fake remorse, and that's not what I wanted. I didn't want to lose their presence in my life, even if their existences were currently dragging me closer to my downfall. And, if Christian found out, he'd never forgive me.

So, I had firmly decided that I would let them get caught on their own, and remain more a shadow in the background of things. Drama was not my style, and I didn't want to be dragged into more of it then necessary, even if I was already in the eye of the storm. But, I about bursted in rage when I was once again pulled into Lissa's head. That's where I turned the tables.


	13. Leave Out All the Rest

_I would like to start things out by saying, thank you so much for reading this story! There is a specific reason that I'm thanking you today though. _

_Recently, for the first time in my life, I cried because I was so happy. Why? Well, when I first counted my story's ranking 2 months ago, it was at 32/110. And the next time I checked, which was a week ago, it was ar 24/110 stories, and it was on the FRONT page of the Vampire Academy stories in my category. And then, I checked today, and I'm at 17/112. I'm so shocked! I'm completely baffled._

_I'm serious when I say that I am forever grateful for your kindness and for making me feel like for once, someone actually gives a damn about my ideas. Ok, my seductive peasants, read on._

_Xoxo,_

_Enlightening Tale Brethren_

* * *

Lissa was sitting there, breathing heavily, looking like she was tired. I was starting to wonder what was leaving her so out breath? She sounded like she had just come back from running a marathon. What was going on here?

But then, I finally see the picture. The reality of the situation hits me like a fatal blow to the chest, and I feel the wind being knocked out of me. At first, I had thought that maybe Lissa was pregnant, and that's what she was attempting to hide from me and the rest of the world. But, my hypothesis had been rudely disproved. Well, not disproved, but I was witnessing yet another horrifying deed from Lissa.

Two hands begin gently sliding up and down Lissa's shoulders, and at first, I thought it was Christian again. But, these hands are a little darker toned than Christian's. These hands are more muscular, and bit larger. And, it's not Dimitri, because I had seen enough of his hands to know that his weren't quite as tanned either. She sighs as the hands work their way down the front of her shoulders and they begin skimming over her breasts.

"We can't tell anyone about this." Lissa whispers as she turns around to glance at her suitor. It is then that I am able to see their identity. Jesse Zeklos. You have got to be _kidding_ me! It was bad enough that she was already playing tonsil tongue with Dimitri behind Christian's back, but Jesse too? I was starting to become overwhelmed with all of this.

Lissa and I had barely spoken in a good two weeks, and I was really confused on her sporadic and impulsive behavior. I had always been the reckless one. Lissa had been the level headed, calming presence that I needed to keep me down to earth. Lissa hardly ever made mistakes, but here she was, making possibly the biggest mistake she could ever make.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. I wasn't going to sit around and watch her humiliate everyone around her. She was already hurting me enough with Dimitri, but now she was cheating on Christian with multiple guys. He didn't deserve that. No one deserved that.

"I know." He whispers in her ear, before he pulls his lips down to hers. I feel sick just watching all of this. That's it, I was done keeping secrets. If she was going to keep treating Christian like a pawn in her fucked up game, I was going to pull a checkmate. I was going to give her my deal. Either she told Christian about it, or I would. I was done being nice.

* * *

I had decided to confront Lissa before classes started for the day. I wanted to give her a chance to think about it. It was only fair. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news if I could avoid it. I wanted Lissa to fess up and be truthful, instead of giving her the opportunity to make me look like this was somehow my fault.

I mean, I didn't think Lissa was really capable of something like that, but stranger things had happened, and I wouldn't make the mistake of underestimating Lissa. I walk into the main hallway keeping my eyes peeled for her. There she is, over by the fountain. I pick up my pace and I'm there soon. She hasn't noticed my presence yet, because she's talking to some of her moroi friends.

I clear my throat, and Lissa glances over at me curiously, before her eyes show that she's worried about something. She quickly hides her uneasiness though. "Hey Rose, what are you doing up so early? You don't usually wake up until right before classes start." She gives me one of her dazzling smiles, as if she _knows _that I know something about her, and she doesn't want me to alert her.

"I need to talk to you." I say casually, careful to keep my voice level. If I showed any hint of hostility or aggravation, Lissa would be more reluctant to hear what I had to say, and she _needed _to hear it. Her face is blank, but I note that her posture has stiffened slightly. Yep, she's definitely on edge. This was going to make our conversation all the more difficult.

But, I found that pussyfooting around things was merely ineffective. I preferred to grasp confrontation by the balls and yank it around. It was now or never. Lissa looks like she's considering ways of getting out of it. Too bad I'm not going to let her escape. I lightly grab her arm, and begin pulling her away from her group. She stiffens and looks like she's ready to fight back.

I hope she doesn't. If she does, this might cause a scene, and I don't want that. All I need is anyone trying to eavesdrop or something. People were notoriously nosey, and knowing my luck, the wrong person would overhear, and it would spread like wildfire. This was the master of all scandals, after all. **Dragomir Princess Goes Wild**. That would be the headline, because things like this didn't usually happen. Especially not by someone as perfect and pristine as Vasilisa Dragomir.**  
**

No, the less people who were aware of what was going on, the better. "Rose, where are we going? What's going on?" Lissa asks hesitantly, her feet dragging in an attempt to stop me. Great. She picks a fine and dandy time to finally stand up for herself. Really, her timing is impeccable.

"Look, what I have to say is better discussed where there are few ears around to catch wind of our conversation. And I need to say what I'm about to say, because it's bad, and it's not the kind of thing I can push off anymore. I've waited too long to say this, and you need to listen to me."

I pull her into a dark corridor and glance around, making certain that the place is vacated, and there are no brown nosers sniffing around. Gossip was best avoided, if it could be helped. Lissa has paled slightly, and she looks rigid. I'm really starting to wonder what's got her so on edge. I'd never seen Lissa as tense looking as she was right then and there.

"Rose, what is it? You're scaring me." Lissa whispers, eyes wide and child like. If only she was actually innocent, ha.

"I know."

"You know what?"

"I know what you're up to." I state simply, glancing down at my feet. Damn, this was a beautiful floor. Yeah, floors were cool.

"I don't know what you're talking about Rose. Are you ok?"

"Cut the shit, Lissa. I know you've been hooking up with Dimitri. I've known for about 2 weeks now, and I've been biting my tongue about it. But, I also know you've been messing around with Jesse Zeklos."

"Rose, I-"

I hold up my hand to silence her. Her lip is trembling, and she has tears beginning at the corners of her eyes. Too bad I wasn't going to be swayed by tears. "I don't know what I have ever done to you to make you hate me. But, I must've done something, because you hooked up with my boyfriend, and you continuously cheated on Christian, with _two _guys. I don't blame you for the first part, because it was my fault; You didn't know I was into Dimitri, much less that I am in a relationship with him. But, why would you cheat on Christian? He _loves _you, Liss. And you have betrayed him in the worst way possible."

Lissa's shaking has become more visible, and it's moved to her whole body. She's trembling all over, her face indicating her fear. This was a dirty secret that she had been planning on keeping buried. Too bad I was more insightful than she cared to remember.

"Rose, I-I'm so sorry, I-" Her voice is almost inaudible at this point, and I can hear her voice has started cracking in places. She's trying not to cry.

"I'm not the one you should be apologizing to. Now, I'm going to make you a deal, but I promise you're not going to like it. I wasn't going to say anything when I first found out you were hooking up with Dimitri, but then, last night, I watched you shag Jesse, and that's when I came to this decision. Liss, Christian isn't a toy you can play with whenever you're bored. He's an amazing human being, and he doesn't deserve what you've been doing to him. You can either tell him everything, or I will. That's my deal, those are your options."

Lissa begins letting out silent tears, her eyes looking at me in disbelief and regret. It's too bad I've already made up my mind. "You have until tomorrow night to tell him. I hope you choose to do the right thing here. Goodbye, Lissa." I say, derived of emotion, before turning to leave.

"Rose, please, re-think this. Jesse and Dimitri were mistakes, but it will never happen again. I promise. Christian is the one who I love, and I am going to be nothing but faithful to him from now on. I'm going to end things with both men right after our talk. Just, please don't tell Christian. You and Christian are all I have left."

I open my mouth to tell her that I'm not going to keep my mouth shut this time, when I hear something loud against the wall. What was that...? I glance around, my senses on full alert. I had to check out any potential threats, and I wanted to know whose ass I was kicking for rudely inviting themselves to a conversation they had no business being in.

I see a shadow coming towards us, and I tense up, stepping in front of Lissa. No matter how much she had hurt me, I wasn't going to let her die. It was not how I was raised, and even if I was beyond pissed at her, she was my best friend.

The shadow steps into the light, and Christian's face is illuminated. He looks livid with fury, and he also looks really disappointed. His jaw and fists are clenched, and I can see the veins bulging out of his skin. His eyes are lit with rage, and he's trembling slightly. I've never seen Christian this pissed off before, and I had been the cause for some of his worst mood swings.

"Christian-" Lissa begins, preparing to attempt to comfort whatever storm was about to hit us. I could already tell that this was not going to be pretty. How could I have been so careless? Dammit Rose!

"You cheated on me Lissa? Why? What did I ever do to you that made you decide that cheating was the right thing to do?"

"It wasn't... I didn't mean to do it. I'm sorry Christian. I fucked up, big time. I wish I could undo it, but I can't. I-"

"Yeah, so you mean to tell me that you accidentally just fell on some random guy's dick? Oh, wait, that's wrong, with _two _guys, Lissa. One was bad enough, but two? It was an accident? Right, because that's a thing that happens all the time. I don't give a fuck how sorry you are. I can't believe you would do something like this. You bitched when I didn't trust you around Adrian, and when I finally decide to take a risk and trust you, you shatter it! I'm done Lissa. We're done. I hope Belikov and Zeklos were worth it." He snarls their names as if they're the most disgusting vermin he's ever encountered, and considering who he was talking about, I wouldn't say he was far off the mark.

Lissa jerks her head back as if she had just gotten slapped, hard. She takes a small breath, and the only word I can think to describe the way she looks right now is broken. She looks like she's going to shatter any moment now.

"And you!" He snarls, turning to face me. I gulp, and prepare to face the music. In this case, I am the scummiest human being for keeping a secret like this from him. I'm not going to try to defend myself, or explain, because this is exactly what I deserve. This is my karma. Enjoy the show, ladies and gentlemen.

"How could you keep something like this from me? You _knew_? Why didn't you tell me? I thought we had finally formed a decent friendship. I _trusted _you, even though I had a gut feeling I shouldn't. What do you know, I was correct in that assumption. Glad to know I'm not completely oblivious to everything that goes on. You were the last person I expected to do something like this. I knew you hated me, but not that much. There's a special place in hell for people like you. I hope you have fabulous lives."

He gives us one last look of pure hatred before turning on his heel and walking off. His tone is freezing like ice, and I shiver from the frost. I knew he'd be upset, but he had left me feeling stunned. He never ceased to amaze me. Lissa has crumpled to a ball on the floor, crying louder and hyperventilating. Too bad this is exactly what she deserved.

"I hope y-you're happy w-with.. this." Lissa angrily mutters, and I can feel my face conforming into something very angry and cold looking. I gave as good as I got, and I wasn't about to feel sorry for someone who had brought this upon herself.

"I'm not happy about it, Vasilisa." I say her name like a bitter taste in my mouth that I need to wash out. "I didn't want to hurt Christian, but you made this bed. So go fucking lie in it."

I leave feeling empty and full of guilt. I deserved to feel like this for the rest of my life for being such a fuck up. No wonder guys didn't want to be with me. I was a horrible human being. Time seems to slow down significantly, people moving by slower than usual, faces merging together. It all felt like a horrible nightmare that I hadn't managed to pinch myself awake from yet.

I spot a shadow lagging behind me, but I ignore it. I was in one of my The-Entire-Human-Race-Can-Fuck-Off kind of moods. I deserved to feel like this, but I preferred to deal with all of this in solitude. I don't want anyone else to bother me right now. I had enough thoughts swarming around in my head right now, and there was no room for focusing on conversations right now.

Fuck school, I was playing hooky for the day. If Kirova didn't like it, I really didn't give even half a fuck at this point. I was in a bad mood, and I think I'd earned the right for one day of sulking in privacy. The shadow hasn't left yet, which means whoever thinks it's a riot to piss of Rose. They were about to win the most honorable prize known to mankind... A knuckle sandwich made specially by Rose Hathaway.

I stop walking and grimace with annoyance at the person who clearly can't take a hint and fuck off. "Roza" Dimitri calls softly, stopping right behind me. I grit my teeth in anger and resist the urge to turn around and verbally cut him with my razor sharp thoughts. I'd have that boy sliced in two seconds flat. He places a hand on my shoulder and I immediately tense up.

I shrug off his hand and he gives me a puzzled look. Is he really that stupid? Or worse, did he actually think _I _was that stupid? "What do you want, Belikov?" I growl, fighting internally not to lash out him right away. Let him get at least a couple words in edge-wise before I killed him. He was about to learn just why you don't fuck with a Hathaway.

"Why are you being so distant lately? You've been blowing me off for almost three weeks now. Are you no longer interested in me? Did I do something wrong?"

I snort, my eyes narrowing as I look at every dream I ever wasted on this bastard flashing before my eyes. "Wow. That definitely answers my question. You really do think I'm that dumb and naive that I haven't realized exactly what's been going on? For fuck's sake, Dimitri, I'm not that unobservant. Did you really think I wouldn't find out that you were shagging my best friend? In what delusional fantasy of yours did you honestly see this benefiting you in any way? I expected this from someone my age, but not from you. You're supposed to be a **man**, not a little boy."

"Roza, I was going to tell you. I'm almost certain I would have. Wait, no, that came out wrong. I was going to tell you. I just didn't know how to, and I wanted to wait until the right time-"

"And just when, exactly, did you think the 'right time' fucking was? I deserved to know in the beginning, and not two weeks later. How much longer would things have continued if I hadn't known? Another week? Six months? Fourteen years? I have no idea, but I'm so glad I found out before I actually invested more time in you than I've already wasted. I spent almost a year pining after you and hoping that one day you would wake up and realize that maybe the right girl was standing right in front of your fucking face. But, I clearly was tripping on acid or something, because love doesn't appear to be anywhere inside of you."

"Rose, it's not like that. I promise you, I never intended for any of this to happen. And after the first time, I vowed it wouldn't ever happen again. But one lie quickly turned into another."

"Oh, that's just bloody fucking brilliant. It shouldn't have even happened _once_, Belikov. Last time I checked, a relationship is built on trust and mutual respect, which you have proved, was always a one sided thing. All this time, and I was too blind to see what was really right there in front of me. You've always viewed me as a little kid, and you always will. That much is evident, since you thought you could just put me up like a doll on a shelf and have another playmate to use when I wasn't there. You're pathetic, and I will curse your existence until I take my very last breath. And if there's anything after that, I'll curse and spit your name through an eternal afterlife, if that's where I end up."

"You're not thinking straight, Rose. Just take a deep breath and really think about this. You don't want to do anything rash, after all." Dimitri says, voice turning to honey, trying to coax me into taking him back. As if. I was not some noob novice. I knew what I was doing, and I wasn't prone to manipulation very easily. Dimitri is severely testing my patience right now.

"My thoughts are crystal clear, actually. I'm doing something I always lacked the courage to do before, but now, I see that this was the right choice all along. You are filthy, disgusting waste of space, and I hope you spend the rest of your pathetic days alone in misery for being unfaithful. I'm done with you, Dimitri. Don't miss me too much. After all, I'm sure there are still plenty of whores to sustain your obvious need to shove your dick in anything that moves. The sad thing is, I know 12 year olds with more maturity than you. I heard Lissa is available now, if you're ever feeling unsatisfied. I mean, she was so great the first time around, so I'm sure she'll be even better the second time, since now you're both single. Have a wonderful life."

I spin on my heel before he can say anything else. I can't bear to hear another bullshit lie spout from his mouth. I won't settle for being treated like a fucking toy. I was a woman, and I deserved respect, at the very least. I was tired of people thinking that I was not as perceptive as I was, and that I was some illiterate whore who would forgive any sin as long as they told me sweet nothings. Fuck them. Fuck every last one of them.

They could both rot in the pits of hell for all I really cared. From now on, everything I did was going to be based on the Rose Hathaway lifestyle, and I was going to trust nobody. I mean, I had opened my inner circle and handed out my trust to two sodding idiots who didn't have the courtesy to keep that in mind. There would be no more watching them shag, because no matter what, I was destroying our bond the first chance I got.

Lissa and Dimitri could both deteriorate tonight for what it was worth. Sure, I had hooked up with Christian even though I knew that Lissa and him constantly had eye sex. But, the difference was, I hadn't shagged her boyfriend. We had hooked up when we both single, so at least I hadn't cheated. Let this be a lesson to all. If you don't keep your legs closed, bad things happened, and everything went to shit rather quickly.

Everything had blown up in my face, and I was still trying to wipe the smudges off and really wrap my head around what had happened. I had never anticipated this factor when Belikov and I had started hooking up, or dating. Whatever you wanted to call it. Either way, I was just another notch on his bedpost, nothing special.

I had lost three people today, and I thought it was probably for the better. None of us deserved friends, and If I had to wallow in self-pity I was glad I wasn't the only one. It hurt a lot, leaving Dimitri and Lissa in the past, but it was what my best course of action would be. This tactic had the most benefits, and I had a chance at redeeming myself.

I didn't have to worry about fake best friends, lying boyfriends, or a boy that I had almost fucked twice. I'd say maybe it was the vacation I had been secretly wishing for, minus the fun part. Right now I was too hurt to really do anything, or feel anything. I wasn't too sure I had decided how I felt by the abandonment of two very important people who played a consistent role in my daily life.

But, my biggest question was, where exactly, did this leave me? My one job had always been protect Lissa. Now, that was over, and I wasn't sure what I was going to do now that I was no longer going to be in league with the royal. I had free time, and months to decide what I was going to do with my life now. New steps, new career choices I suppose. Who knows, maybe I could even run for president!


	14. Easier to Run

**Christian's POV:**

I was livid, I was pissed, and quite frankly, I wanted to draw some blood. I had been betrayed before, but not like this. I was used to dealing with pain, because we battled each other every single day. But, we hadn't been ready for anything steady. And then, there comes Lissa, who seemed like my one possible route to salvation, and fucking boom, that all blew up in my face. I felt hollow everywhere and I was quickly slipping back into the clutches of darkness that had always tainted my heart.

I felt like a broken bird whose wings were damaged beyond repair. There was no hope at flight, at escape. Everywhere I looked, I saw reminders of Lissa, which reminded me that all hope was lost. I didn't have a prayer or a chance at getting better. I knew eventually I could move past all of this, after all, it wasn't my first time dealing with shitty situations. I had believed I had a chance at redemption, and happiness with Lissa, and even a little bit with Rose. But as it goes to show, true happiness is nonexistent.

I guess that's what I get for wishful thinking and actually having an optimistic outlook for once. Just look where that landed me. I didn't want to talk to anyone, or allow anyone to see that I was actually pretty upset about all of this. It was normal reaction to others, but to me, it was foreign territory. I had always been good at concealing emotions from other people, and that wasn't subject to change any time soon.

I spent all day cooped up in my room. I didn't want to deal with any social interactions at all. I wanted to find a way to get out of this depression quickly, before it started consuming me. I was not going to sit around in darkness and let other people feel sorry for me. I had been hurt worse before. This was like a band-aid wound, compared to some of the gashing wounds I had received over the years.

I was more angry at myself than anyone. I had went against my better judgement and actually let people in, and now I was paying the price. I was watching the concrete fly around, and I was getting knocked right on my ass by all the flying debris. I had finally entered the eye of the storm, and now it was time to get rid of these feelings as quickly as possible. They were an inconvenience anyway.

Feelings led to caring, and caring led to pain. I had never really thought about it before, but all those guys who actually _wanted _to be in love were purely psycho. Love is tedious and repetitious. I had fared better without them, and no matter what it would take, I was going to turn off all feeling. Maybe it was a lousy way to live life, but I wouldn't be near homo sapiens for much longer, so it didn't matter. I was think Siberia sounded like a pleasant place to take up residence in.

During the course of the day, I stared at pictures of Lissa and I, which sent me into blistering fits of rage over and over again. I burned every photo we ever took, every gift she ever made me, and every article of clothing she ever bought me. I was done with Lissa, and this was the first step in getting over her. I was better off anyway. I mean, was she even going to tell me? Had she at least practiced safe sex? I didn't really feel like discovering I had gotten herpes from sleeping with her, or something worse.

But, I was going to be ok. I was going to slip out of this temporary road block, and I was going to go back to staying in the shadows. I wasn't going to let anyone talk to me, or try to get close to me, ever again. I had been dependent upon myself before all of this happened, and I could damn well become that way again. It was like I always said "Never fully trust anyone; Even Satan was once an angel." If those weren't the most painstaking words I'd ever heard, I didn't know what could top it.

* * *

It's been a month, and that stupid leech is still etched to my thoughts. She was all I thought about, and it was starting to irk me worse than usual. I could feel my sanity slipping, and I was surely headed for a straitjacket and a padded cell. The joys of being emotionally invested in someone. Look what good that did me.

I was seriously considering moving to Siberia. Sure, it was cold, and I'd never really been fond of the cold, but I figured it was fine time to start becoming accustomed to it. I was leaving, and I planned to virtually disappear from this earth. I would just be a distant memory of a "Psycho freak with pyro tendencies." That is, if anyone really remembered me. I was hoping that they wouldn't. The only person I was going to miss was Tasha. Otherwise, the rest of the world could suck my balls.

I had done my best to avoid people more than usual. Especially Lissa and Rose. I didn't want to talk to either one of them, because I just didn't want to _deal _with anything. I wanted to be left alone, and finish out this crummy year. There was only about a month left until we graduated, and then I would be free of all these morons, and I could live the way I wanted. Alone and in solitude, just the way I had always liked it.

I spot Rose across the courtyard, and I hold my breath. I'm hoping she doesn't see me. I don't want her to talk to me, because that's exactly what she's going to do. I didn't want them to ask for my forgiveness, because I didn't want to hand it out. Being angry gave me motivation, and I was worried once I lost that, I'd have to sit down and really deal with things. I had never been really good at dealing with emotions. I had learned to bottle my emotions when my parents turned into... the hideous creatures. It was almost a subconscious thing now. I simply brushed feelings off to the side, and I ignored the fact that they existed. But, I was at my breaking point, and I didn't know how much longer it would be until my delicate string snapped. I was one push away from falling off the edge.

Rose, much to my great relief, doesn't notice me as she continues walking. Her head is down, her shoulders strained, and I can tell even from here that she has a haunted look in her eyes. She's stressed about something. God, she looks worse than I do, not that I actually give a shit. She was about as low as Lissa was in my book. They were both pretty high up there on my shit list. I hated both of them. I wanted them to leave and I wanted them to never come back.

They had both fucked me over, and I was known for holding grudges. I can hold them for a lifetime, just ask my parents. I was less upset with Rose, but she was equally as guilty as Lissa was. True, she didn't cheat on me. But, we weren't even together in the first place, and so, there was no way she could've cheated on me anyway. But, she _knew _that Lissa was hooking up with people behind my back, and she had decided to keep quiet about it. Her silence spoke volumes. It dug into my chest with more ferocity than the sharpest of claws. My heart had been raked and shredded.

I feel like I'm being watched, which I had grown accustomed to. Everyone stares when you're a natural misfit who doesn't get along with people, and when your parents willingly joined the damned. But, this stare is different. It makes my skin crawl, and I want whoever is looking at me to find something else to look at. I'll give them something to fucking look at.

I meet Lissa's eyes, and for a minute, we just stare. But then, I snap out of it, flip her off, and continue on with my day like nothing even happened. I was getting good at this. I guess I just had to see them to reignite the hatred, and finally see. It was like I had been under a rock for a year, and I was finally seeing the world again, as it really was.

_I can see clearly now, the rain is gone. I can see all obstacles in my way._ Just kidding. But, for the first time in a month, I feel more aware, like I've just gone from seeing completely in black and white to seeing everything in color. Things were looking up. I didn't feel bad about flipping off Lissa, which I figured was a pretty good start to things.

If I wasn't feeling attached anymore, and it felt fucking great. Now I was free to be me and I could go back to the way things should be. Me, myself, and I. I didn't see why everyone felt the need to have companions. I viewed friends as a liability, and they were always getting in my way. I was more than thrilled that Rose and Lissa were history.

There would be no more fighting jealousy because Lissa and Adrian were getting cozy. I wouldn't have to dress up like a monkey and go to all her stupid royal events. And even better, I was free to do whoever I wanted. There was no more commitment. I was a free man, and it was the closest to bliss and closure that I'd had in months.

* * *

Today is the beginning of the Field experience, and I was sitting in a corner impatiently awaiting the results. I wanted to get out of here and go eat. I hadn't had blood for a couple of days, and I was starting to become irritable about it. I didn't want to sit in the loud, and crowded gym while I watched idiot dhampirs get assigned to even more moronic morois. I'd seen it before, and I didn't care about any events that were happening inside.

I glance down at my phone and sigh. It's already been an hour and seventeen minutes. What in the actual fuck was taking so long? It was a short and very simple process. You get your name called, you're told who holds your life in their hands, and it continues. My stomach growls, and I'm really thirsty. I just want to leave, but I was also a little curious as to who had gotten the unfortunate privilege of babysitting me. Poor bastard.

Finally the doors open and out walks a large crowd dhampirs. Lagging towards the back was Rose who was having a chat with Eddie Castile. Whatever they were talking about, it didn't seem like she was enjoying it. She glances up and meets my eyes. I can see her tense, and she turns back to Eddie. She gives him a reluctant nod before she starts shuffling over towards me.

No. Fucking. Way. Rose didn't get Lissa? I was actually astounded. I had been certain that Rose would be guarding Lissa while her field experience was happening. But then, if she didn't get assigned to Lissa, then who-? Oh, fuck. No, no, this was not good. Rose was the last person I wanted to be hanging around with. But, neither of us have a choice.

"I begged Kirova to reconsider, but she refused to change her mind. She said this would be a great learning experience, and that she was positive I could handle you." Rose says, refusing to meet my eyes. Well holy hell, it looked like things have officially become awkward. I mean, there aren't even crickets here to give us background music. It's just pure awkwardness, and a deadly silence.

"I'm hungry, let's go." I say, standing up and heading towards dinner. Rose would follow. She _had _to. This might just work to my advantage. Rose was literally my bitch right now, and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it. Not a single fucking one. A small smirk crosses my face as Rose slips into place beside me. I clear my face of any emotion, and the rest of our duration is silent. I am now in control of the game, and I was damn determined to make things play out the way _I _wanted. For once, I was going to be in control, and I was going to pull Rose through Hell and back. I was going to make her regret ever even learning my name.

Rose clearly doesn't want to talk to me, but I can also see that she feels uncomfortable by the silence as well. She leans against a wall with her arms crossed, talking to the dhampir I'm feeding off of. I ignore their conversation and enjoy the sweet relief that blood brings. I was feeling like I was in a pretty good mood, and it was going to be a fine day.

I'm going to make her regret ever fucking with me, and it was going to be the most entertainment I'd had for a while. I was ready for a month of hell, but I would be Satan, and she'd be the poor, trapped soul who had no choice but to obey me. I was going to push her until she cracked, and hopefully. she'd quit. So what if she never became a guardian? I could care less. She would soon be out of my life, and I would be that much more relieved.

Plus, then there was less chance about us ripping each other's throats out. I hated her, and even if she didn't want to show it, she hated me too. We had hardly talked today, and that was just the way I liked things. Silence endorsed truth, or in this case, it kept Rose's lying mouth _shut._ I didn't want to hear a single word that bitch had to say.

I liked her about as much as I liked beets. In case you were looking too into that, I can't stand beets. I didn't even want to tolerate her anymore. It'd only been an hour, and I was already cursing this stupid assignment. Why did I have to get punished for this? But, I guess I wasn't the only one who was miserable, because Rose was less than ecstatic about the whole thing. Especially when she found out that she'd be sleeping on the floor. Sucks for her.

* * *

Rose said little more than three sentences to me that entire day, and I could already tell it was going to be a long three weeks. I didn't know how long I could handle being in the same room with her. I was already losing restraint, and I wanted to rip her throat out. I had a bad temper naturally, and that was only going to make things less than pleasant for either of us. I just hoped Rose was ready to fend off my snarky comments, because it would be a chilly day in hell before I apologized to Rosemarie Hathaway, or attempted to be nice to her.

The first night was probably the most awkward. I wasn't used to having to share my dorm with anyone else, and it took me hours to fall asleep. I was lost in reoccurring thoughts and possible what if's. What if I hadn't hooked up with Rose? Would there be all this hostility and harboring hatred? I wasn't so sure if the outcome would've been the same. Maybe we still would've hooked up, regardless of the fact that I was with Lissa.

I was a fucking hypocrite, that's for sure. I mean, I had cheated on Lissa with her best friend, which made me a piece of shit too. I didn't really have any probable cause to hate Rose or Lissa as much as I did, since we had all been in the wrong. But, I was a prideful person, and my stubborn nature reminded me that no matter how big of an ass I knew I was, I wasn't going to try to repair or fix any damages. Maybe that made me a pussy. It definitely made me pretty pathetic. But, I'd always viewed myself as pathetic, when I actually bothered to move past the surface of my demented thoughts.

When I woke up, I felt worse than before I went to bed. I was exhausted, and I felt like the two hours of sleep I had gotten had been for nothing. What was the good of sleep, if it didn't actually leave you feeling rested? Today was going to be a long and rather irritating day. I can hear the shower running, and I roll my eyes. Maybe that's what woke me up. I'll go out on a limb and say it was, because I was in the mood to blame anyone but myself.

I decide to leave for a little bit, and to not bother with a shower for the time being. I was tired, I was feeling crowded, and I was not in the mood to deal with any humans this morning. I debated on waiting around, just to rile up Rose and ruin her day too, but I decided that I needed to take a walk. Plus, Rose would get in trouble for letting me wander off by myself, so that was a plus.


	15. What I've Done

_Author's Note: Hey guys! Long time, no write. Haha, ok, it probably hasn't been that long. I felt bad for not updating though, and I'm in a particularly creative mood, so I've decided to grace you seductive peasants with **two **chapters. Yes, that's right, two of these little buggers! I advise you to read this note before continuing to read the story, because in this case, it's actually pretty important._

**_Warning: This chapter is rather dark, and depressing, to put it bluntly, and there are things in this chapter that may be triggering to some readers. If you are easily triggered, I urge you that it is wise to proceed with caution. So when you see a paragraph completely bolded, then there is a good chance that I've reached the darker part of the story. But, I'm not your mom, so if you choose to ignore my warning, so be it._**

_Xoxo,_

_Enlightening Tale Brethren._

* * *

I bolted upright, drenched in sweat. I was panting heavily and I barely managed to crawl my way into the bathroom before I threw up what little food I had eaten. For the past month, ever since the events of Spokane, I had been plagued by continuous nightmares. Every night I awoke, sweat chilling my body to the brink of freezing, and sobs wracking my entire being. That was if I even managed to fall asleep. I was severely sleep deprived.

I could feel my sanity slipping through the cracks in between my fingers. I was beyond broken, if there was even such a thing. Every time I close my eyes, all I can see are the series of gory events that happened while we were trapped down there. _Being incapable of fighting off Strigoi, knowing that any moment they could decide to make us into a meal. Staking the bastards while making sure that no one was dying. Watching in horror as Isaiah snapped Mason's neck and he went limp like a rag doll._ It was all my fault. Every fucking event that had occurred was my fault. I should've sacrificed myself. Mason deserved to be here, while I didn't. I was a waste of space.

He had come back to save me, and had sacrificed himself in order to save not only me, but the rest of the group. I felt like his sacrifice had been in vain, because I was a useless human being. I had done nothing to help, and I was going to live with the guilt for the rest of my life, I solemnly swear.

I felt guilt, devastation, and worst of all, all loss of hope. I had become my own worst enemy. I ate one meal every three days, if I was lucky enough to stomach it. Everything tasted like plastic, and I usually just threw it up anyway. I wanted my body to just give up and to finally put the rest all the endless suffering I endured daily. I was losing all the will I had to fight, and I was ready to throw in the towel.

It had become a nightly ritual for me to take a shower after one of my demented dreams. It was the only way I could calm down enough to breath. The nightmares always left my breathless. Rose Hathaway had lost all the spark she once held. I was experiencing more and more suicidal thoughts. I was beyond help, even if I had wanted it, and I spent all my days trapped in the dark clutches of my mind.

I remained solitary, which was quickly speeding up the process of wanting to leave this world behind. It wasn't like I couldn't get friends, if I wanted. But, after Mason's death, all I ever received anymore were glances of sympathy and pity. I didn't want anyone's fucking pity. Lissa and I were done, Mason was dead, and Christian hated my guts. I just wasn't sure exactly how deep his detestment towards me ran. No one questioned me about my lack of friends because I wore an invisible 'fuck off' quite clearly on my forehead.

The only person I still talked to was Eddie, and even that was once in a great while. He didn't ask about why Lissa and I no longer talked to each other, and took deliberate steps to avoid each other. No one asked anymore, because I think really, no one cared. He had been assigned to Lissa, which meant I would be steering clear of both of them at all costs.

I don't know why I didn't tell anyone about the events that plagued and haunted my life. Maybe it was because I didn't want to open up, or maybe it was because, for some fucked up reason, I didn't want to hurt Lissa or Dimitri. God, how pathetic was I? I owed nothing to either of them, and yet, here I was, still protecting them. I don't know when I had suddenly become a doormat, but it made me hate myself that much more.

I shouldn't care about their stupid reputations, and I should really just let them both rot in the pits of hell. But, I guess I didn't want any more conflict than I had already dealt with. I was done with drama, and I just wanted to graduate, and be out of here. I couldn't take being here much longer.

On top of all that, I had officially gone batshit crazy. I was hallucinating, now. Maybe it was from the lack of food and the sleep deprivation, or maybe my sanity had finally slipped completely. Either way, I had dove right off the deep end, and I didn't see myself resurfacing anytime soon.

Everywhere I looked I saw... Mason. And not like reminiscing memories; I physically **saw **him. It had started out as a faint outline, a mere shadow more than anything else. But, as the weeks passed, his form became more and more prominent. I didn't know if I was seeing him because I wanted to. I mean, ghosts aren't real. The only ghosts I believed in were the inner demons that I was constantly battling.**  
**

But, I was starting to wonder if maybe Mason really was back from the dead, for whatever reason. And then, usually I'd mentally slap myself, because I was just spouting nonsense. This was not some bullshit movie where the ghost comes back because he can't move on and he needs me to do something for him. This was the real world, and things like that did not happen in reality. I had never felt more confused in my entire life.

* * *

I had kind of hoped that I wouldn't wake Christian up, but when I exit the bathroom, I can't help but feel relieved. I had a good feeling that there were going to be a lot of problems between Christian and I, and I didn't think I had the strength to endure his jabs and taunts. I was finding it hard enough to rise myself from my bed every morning. I woke up each and every moment, assuming I had actually gotten any sleep during the night, and I would find disappointment that I hadn't been murdered in my sleep or anything.

I sigh as I run a hand through my tangled hair. I suppose this means I have to go find Christian now, even if I really don't want to. But, if Kirova or any of the other authority figures find out that I'm being negligent towards my assignment, I'll flunk, and everything I've ever worked for will shatter. But then again, maybe that's not such a bad thing. I mean, I was turning into a pretty shitty person as is, and I didn't think anyone else should put their trust in me. I couldn't even take care of myself right now. How was I expected to guard anyone else and defend their lives?

I slowly exited the room, looking for any signs of where Christian had wandered off to. He was the last person I wanted to talk to right now, and I was more than reluctant to sought him out. I just wanted to be alone, and to deal with everything by myself. I didn't want to have to babysit an arrogant, judgemental asshole while I was at it.

I didn't hate him, per say, but I definitely wasn't in his fanbase. I hated how he walked around, scowling at anyone stupid enough to cross his path. But, I guess I didn't have much room to talk, since I was most likely one of the least approachable people there were. I started with the chapel, which seemed like a likely place he'd be. But, much to my dismay and annoyance, he wasn't.

I checked various locations, and he was strangely MIA. I had no idea how he had managed to find somewhere to hide on this campus. There was virtually nowhere to hide, and I didn't understand how he how perfected something that I had been working on for years so effortlessly: _disappearing_;

Eventually my eyes narrow when I see him emerging from the woods. "You fuking prat!" I mutter as I start walking towards him, in quick, angry strides. That arrogant bastard was trying to get me in trouble. He clearly _wanted _me to fail. Well, if it's a fight you want, Christian Ozera, it's a fight you'll get._  
_

I pick up the pace, and I'm getting closer. His eyes have remained fixated to the ground, so he hasn't noticed me yet. Good thing, because I was about to rip him a new asshole. I would be damned if I was letting someone ruin everything that I had busted my ass to work for. It didn't matter if my priorities on who I was guarding changed, I was going to be a guardian, and a damn good one at that.

"Well, how fucking nice of you to finally come out of hiding, Lord Ozera." I say in angry mockery. He glances up, and for a brief second he looks sheepish, and almost shocked. But, he quickly hardens his expression, and his eyes narrow in hatred. Ah, how I loved dealing with assholes like Christian. This was _just _what I needed. I think deep down I'd been itching for a fight, and I was just now letting that anger break through. That worked for me.

"Like you care." He spat, his eyes narrowing further. He looked annoyed, and I could tell from the way his hands were balled into fists by his sides. that he was also agitated.

"I really don't care too much, but I am assigned to guard you."

"Well gee, I'm sorry that I'm ruining your plans to become some badass guardian. Next time, I'll leave a note."

"You're not supposed to go anywhere without me. I know you don't like this, and quite frankly, neither do I. But, I want this to go as smoothly as possible."

"You're not my mother." He sneers, taking a step closer, his body tensing. Inside I was smirking. I was feeling better already. I think maybe I needed therapy, if my coping method was going to be anger. But hey, it was nice to feel a different emotion for once. It was like a breath of fresh air. I could feel my limbs slowly thawing out. It was like an eternal spring, and it gave me a lot of adrenaline.

"Look, you're pissed at me, and I get that. But, you need to grow the fuck up. For God's sake, you're almost 18! Shouldn't you be acting more like an adult, and not a toddler?"

"You don't know me, Rose. So stop acting like you do. I'm not pissed at you, Rose. I just can't stand your existence. Quite frankly, I hope you die early, so I can piss on your grave."

I tense, and I feel my self-control starting to snap. I haven't hit anyone in months... One little, tinsy, weensie punch wouldn't really hurt him... I'd just "accidentally" break his jaw. I didn't see any harm in it. I think Christian needed to remove his head from ass pronto.

"How refreshing. You know what my favorite part about all of this? How hypocritical you're being! I _know _I fucked up. I know I should've told you. I just didn't want to ruin your relationship with Lissa, because I knew how much you like her. I'm not excusing my behavior. But, you're being fucking stupid."

"Oh? **I'm** being fucking stupid? I've noticed you around, you know. You always walk around, wallowing in your bullshit self-pity. Yeah, Dimitri didn't think your body was banging enough. Get over it."

"How **dare **you try to tell me how I'm feeling. You want to talk about how I shouldn't be judging you, when you're doing the exact same thing right now! I'm trying to be civil, and make things decent between us before we graduate. I'm trying to take the high road."

"Well I never fucking asked you to. I don't give a damn about you, Rose, or what delusional fantasies you've conjured up. I want you to leave me the fuck alone. I don't know what I have to do to show you that. I fucking can't stand you, and I want this assignment to end soon. Why should I care if you become a guardian? It's not my problem."

I note suddenly, that we've moved pretty close to each other. Things just might get violent after all. But, I was hoping that wouldn't happen, because I really didn't want to flunk this assignment. I'm not going to give up just because he insists on being difficult. I was Rose Hathaway, damn it! And I wasn't going to be pushed around by anyone. Especially not Christian.

"Well I'm sorry you feel that way. But you know what? I'm not going to quit my job just because you're going to continue to be an asshole. I've killed strigoi before. I think I can handle you."

"Oh, that's right. Rose Hathaway thinks she's a fucking all American badass because she staked a couple strigoi. My bad. I forgot, you're such an amazing guardian, that you let one of your best friends die." Christian sneers, his eyes flaming in hatred. Ouch, that actually opened a wound.

I clenched my jaw tighter. Just who in the actual fuck did he think he was? How dare he have the audacity to bring up Mason! I already blamed myself enough. I really want to beat the shit out of him. If only there weren't witnesses...

"You have **no **right to bring up Mason." I hiss, fighting the urge to start crying.

"Why not? I was there too, in case you forgot. This isn't the Rose Hathaway Show, you know. There were other people involved who helped you out. Without Mia and I, you would've never escaped."

"I've already thanked you for that. I'm not going to suck your dick just because you used your psycho fire powers."

"You know, you're the most self-absorbed, ungrateful little bitch I've ever met. I _saved _your life. But no, Rose Hathaway simply can't acknowledge that she's not the star of the show. That would crush her ego."

"You really want to stand here and talk about how I'm self-absorbed? You're the most narcissistic, cocky, selfish bastard I've ever met."

"Oh, we're pointing out flaws now? Ok, yeah, I'll have a go at it. You're pathetic. You walk around with your head all lowered to the ground, too absorbed in your bullshit pity parties to realize that life goes on. Everyone has problems, Rose. What's your excuse? And, you're a liar. If there is one type of person I can't stand, it's liars."

I open my mouth to speak, but I'm at a loss for words. He's right. I am a liar. He shoots me a triumphant smirk, making it clear that he won this argument, and he _knows _it. "Come on, Rosie-poo, let's go. Lord Ozera is hungry. That pointless argument really makes me hungry."

"_Don't _call me Rosie-poo." I hiss, as I begin following him towards the feeders. God, we needed another plague, and soon!

"Whatever you say, Rosie-poo." He says, picking up his pace. I shoot mental daggers at the back of his big, fat, stupid head. He's such an ass! I didn't care what it took; Christian was **never **winning another argument against me. I don't care how much anger I had to fire, or how long it took. I was going to show him that Rose Hathaway was not some weakling girl who willingly let people toss me around.

* * *

**I was still really frustrated and hurt from my previous argument with Christian. I didn't know why it phased me so much. Oh wait, yes, I did know why. Because he had pointed out a painful truth. I had caused Mason to die. I was so upset, that I was virtually numb. I had also found a new way of coping with all these difficult feelings of hopelessness and anger. It was a method I had learned from Lissa, and while I knew it wasn't a good idea, I found that it was the most calming thing I could do at this point.**

**I waited until Christian was busy watching tv, before slipping into the bathroom. We had both been fuming for hours now, and I couldn't take much more of it. He had continued to taunt me about Spokane, completely ignoring my silent pleas to stop. I couldn't handle the memory. I was seriously about to snap. It had been three weeks since Mason's funeral, and I was still mourning.**

**I knew it was pathetic, but I couldn't figure out anyway to move past it. It still seemed unreal. I couldn't believe there would be no more flirting with Mason, talking with Mason, or yelling at Mason. I felt like a part of myself had went shut down, and it didn't seem like it was likely to turn on anytime soon.**

**There was only one way to deal with all the emotions that were stabbing me right now. Making sure the door is locked, I quietly open the medicine cabinet, and dig out the razor blade I had stashed inside. I knew cutting was not a very good way to deal with everything, but it made me feel something, and it was a great relief.**

**So far, no one had noticed, and I planned on keeping it that way. I slid down onto the floor, and I picked the blade up, dangling it over my skin. Did I really want to do this? I mean, I still felt guilty every time I did it. But, the guilt could come later.**

**With shaking fingers, I dig the blade into my skin, sighing in relief as I watch the crimson begin to slowly seep out of the wound. I loved the burning sensation that came with it, and the blood calmed me, for some reason. Oh god, now I sounded like a serial killer! I let the tears silently spill out, and I sit there trembling, as I continue to do slash after slash on my soft flesh.**

**Sometimes I wondered whether I really was going nuts. I mean, what _sane _person willingly inflicted pain upon themselves? I had always said I was stronger than self-mutilation. But, the habit had become such a comfort, and I knew that no matter how wrong it was, I didn't want to stop. The cutting reminded me that pain was real, and that I could control it. I was in control, for once.**

* * *

_I sat there, hands bound behind my back, my butt numb from the consistent hours of sitting in this crummy plastic chair. We're alone, for the time being, but that does little to console me. They might come back at any time, and I didn't know how much longer their patience was going to last. I didn't want to die; And I couldn't let Christian, Mia, or Mason die. I would sooner die than allow it. They would become strigois over my dead body._

_Oh, the irony in that statement. I hear loud boots clunking nearby, and I gulp. He's coming back. Isaiah. I didn't know how much longer he was going to tolerate our rebellion. Fuck, I didn't even know how much longer we could withstand it. Christian looked on the brink of passing out from the lack of blood. It had been at least three days since he had any._

_I was under a lot of pressure. I was trying to use my wits, and I needed to come up with an escape plan, and fast. There was no way I would sit here and not at least try to fight. I was a Hathaway, and Hathaways do not give up, no matter how trifling a situation may be. Come on Rose, think! Your life depends on it. I was still trying to come up with a brilliant plan when Isaiah enters. He gives me a nasty, menacing grin, before his eyes scan the group of trapped dhampirs and morois. There are two other strigoi with him, a woman, and another lean, angry looking man._

_His smile made me sick to my stomach, and also made my body shiver. He had the most evil, sinister smile I'd ever seen, and I didn't doubt for a second he was also bloodthirsty. "Well, are either of you ready to give up and join our army? Our patience is growing thin, and really, at this point, it's pretty pathetic, watching you all defy us, as if you have a chance." His tone is cold, and calm._

_I scowl and try to hide the panic that's settling in. I would say we were running out of time, and fast. Suddenly, it dawned on me. "Why not just give up, Christian. I'd rather you didn't die of **thirst**." I say, giving him a bored look._

_His eyes widen in surprise, and then he tenses his jaw. "I'm not as weak as you seem to fucking think, Rose."_

_"But, you throat must be on **fire**." I say, trying again. This might be our only hope, and I really, really need him to understand that time is of the essence. We didn't have time to dawdle. Our lives depended on it._

_His eyes narrow, but I see a slight spark in his eye. "You know what? You're fucking right. I am really thirsty. I think I'm ready."_

_I can see Isaiah cast a triumphant grin to his little entourage. He thinks he's won. Christian is finally going to drink, and then he'll join the legion of the damned. Too bad that they had made one fatal mistake. They had underestimated just who they were dealing with._

_"Wonderful! I knew you'd come to your senses. It's a very smart decision, and because you are clearly quite intelligent, I think you deserve a prize. How about I let you pick from one of these pathetic dhampirs?"_

_Christian smirks, and nods his head. His expression is weak, but I can see the amusement he holds. I had to admit, he's a pretty good actor. "I pick Rose. I've always wanted you to die."_

_"Christian, please, don't do this." I beg, giving him a pleading look. I can see his amusement widen, and I can tell that part of it is actually real. I was a little worried about the gamble we were taking. This was a game of Russian Roulette that I most definitely did not want to lose. He steps closer, his strides slow and calculated. He looks like a hunter ready to kill his prey._

_"Begging will do you no good, Rose. Did you really think I'd let a worthless bitch like you live? I was going to kill you someday anyway. I figure this way is just more rewarding." He snarls, his breath hot on my skin._

_"I'm going to thoroughly enjoy this" he murmurs, before his lips touch my neck. At the exact same moment, his hands went behind my back, and I could feel him beginning to burn the rope._

_His fangs nip my skin, and I groan, faking pain, hoping that we're being convincing enough. If this didn't work, we were chicken scratch. The rancid smell of burning plastic begins to perfume the room, and I can see Isaiah sniffing in suspicion. "What's that awful smell?" He asks, looking around the room through narrowed eyes. Oh fuck, he's on to us._

_"Come on Christian, hurry up!" I hiss in a whisper, and I can feel him roll his eyes at me. Finally, just as the three strigoi have tensed into defensive positions, he burns completely through and I immediately spring up, before our element of surprise evaporates. Christian begins to work on freeing Mason, while I launch into action. I lunge directly for Isaiah, and before he has time to think, I have kicked him in the stomach, and relieved him of his weapon._

_The scene suddenly shifts, and I am jerked back into my body, as I watch in horror as Isaiah looms over me, getting ready to land his final blow. "Rose!" A familiar voice yells, before Mason leaps onto Isaiah. No! I had told Mason to take care of Christian and Mia, and protect them. He shouldn't be here. Isaiah is briefly stunned, but before I can stop him, he flips Mason over his back, and snakes an arm around his esophagus._

_"No!" I call out, just as I hear a sickening crack, and Mason falls limp to the ground. His falls facing me. His eyes land on me, even though he's dead. The look in them shows fear, but also it asks the silent question of why? I feel the wind being knocked out of me, and I choke and gasp for air._

_"He really would've made a shitty guardian anyway." Isaiah sneered, as he lunged for me. I could feel hope slipping away. I wanted to sink to my knees and curse the world. But, I couldn't really do that in this predicament. Isaiah gives me a cocky grin, as he whips out a gun and aims right for me. I see him resting his hand resting on the trigger. Shit! I was going to die! I was going to-_

"Rose!" An angry voice yowls in my ear. I immediately bolt upright, slamming my head against someone else's skull. "Ow! What the fuck!" A familiar voice hisses. I am still frantic, my breathing shallow. I'm struggling for breath, like a fish out of water, and suddenly, I feel the nausea again. Oh fuck. I force myself to get into a crawling position and I haul ass to the bathroom. This time, I successfully make it to the toilet, before I begin violently dry heaving.

My body is trembling so badly that I can barely support myself as I continue to unsuccessfully puke up food. If only I had any food in my system. I hadn't eaten in a couple days again, and now I was regretting that decision. It hurt like a bitch, and it continued, until the pain was almost excruciating. Finally, I manage to calm down and I begin to work on calming my shallow breaths.

I feel so weak, and I crumple to the floor, too weak to do anything else right now. Everything is silent, and I clutch my stomach, ignoring the sharp pain of my cramping muscles. I close my eyes, trying to ignore the pain, and the intense feeling of nausea. I am once again covered in sweat, and it's chilling me to the bone. I am surprised when a shadow looms over me, and I feel a warm washing rag begin wiping my face.

I slowly open my eyes, and I fight the urge to shrink back as I stare in astonishment at Christian. His face is scrunched up in concentration.


	16. End of My Rope

I resisted the urge to flinch away from his touch as he continues to clean my face and neck. I feel so weak and helpless right now. I hated feeling so... so... vulnerable. It had been a long time since I had felt so trapped. I wanted to cry. I wanted to just shut my eyes until these futile and disgusting images left me. Most of all, I just wanted it to end.

"What are you doing?" I whisper breathlessly. I can feel the lack of my sleep returning, and I'm beginning to feel drained. I feel my skin crawl as he touches me, which is odd, since I didn't think he repulsed me so much. Or maybe I just don't want any more reminders about how much of a fuck up Rose Hathaway really was. Christian was all of that, in a solemn, sarcastic, and guarded teenage boy. Every time I looked at him, it was a brutal punch to the throat. I saw everything I had fucked up, and everything that would never change.

He doesn't say anything, but he does move away slightly. "I wanted you to shut up. You were making so much fucking racket, and I couldn't sleep." He sneers, his eyes showing quite clearly how much I disgust him.

"Well, rest assured, I'll be quiet now." I snarl, finding enough strength to shakily hurl myself up into a wobbly standing position. I shoot him a dirty look, before I take a step. I feel nauseous again, but I can endure it. If Christian wants to bitch about something I can't control, I won't let him see any more weakness. I'm a little off balance, and I'm swaying, but I manage to make it out of the confining bathroom.

The short walk is taking it's toll already, but I'm not about to let it show. I was _not_ broken. No, I was past broken, if there was a way to name the word, I would. I was past getting better, because I was engulfed in a depression that had it's dark clutches grasped around my throat. It was choking me, and I realized I didn't know how much longer I was going to be able to breathe.

_I sit in this room,_

_Dark and recluse._

_I see no chance of escape as I sit here and wallow in self-pity._

_I don't really know how I got in this room,_

_Only that my one and only desire is to get out._

_But unfortunately, escape is impossible._

_I feel like a fish out of water,_

_Gasping for air, feeling the claustrophobia set in._

_I sincerely wish I was alone, despite everything._

_The other person who joins me is the person I hate more than anyone on the entire planet._

_They sit there, always lurking, but never close enough for me to physically touch._

_The shadows surround us, but their face is always illuminated._

_The other person taunts me,_

_They call me names: stupid, ugly, pathetic, worthless, weak._

_Points out all my flaws, as if I don't already see them._

_That person is me;_

_And the room is the darkest depths of my mind._

_No matter how many times I try to erase the demons,_

_I'll never escape._

_Because I'm my own worst enemy._

That was the only way I could begin to describe how I felt. And Christian wasn't helping matters. I can feel him glaring at me, his silent prayer to watch me admit defeat. I stumble, and barely manage to catch my balance. I hear a snort, and I grit my teeth in concentration. My bed is only a few more steps. I can do this. I _have_ to.  


I lower myself down onto my bed, my panting subsiding slightly. Christian continues to smirk, before he walks to his bed. I glare at him, and he returns my hatred. The room is full of tension, and I can feel my control starting to slip. I really did **not **want to deal with this. "And just what the fuck do you find so amusing, Ozera?" I ask carefully, my tone even and calm.

His smirk grows slightly as he flops onto the bed and props himself up on one elbow. "Oh nothing. I just think it's funny that you can continue to go on, and be more pitiful now than you were before. It's actually kind of sad watching you struggle through each day. You're fucking pathetic."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot that some of us aren't as perfect as Christian fucking Ozera. That some of us actually possess the capability to _feel _more than one emotion."

"I do feel things, thank you. I feel anger, I feel pain, I feel hatred. I'm still a fucking human being, Rose. You know, for someone who 'hates when other people judge you', you're one judgemental bitch."

"_I'm _the judgemental one? I think you're fucking delusional. You walk around like you're better than everyone else. You wear an expression that looks like you have a tampon rammed up your ass all the time. Worst of all, you look down on others for things they can't help. So maybe before you deem to know more about me than you actually do, walk a mile in my shoes."

"Gee, cliche much? That was quite possibly the worst comeback I've ever heard. God, that was drier than a lonely cat lady's pussy."

"Look, it's 2 a.m. and I just want some sleep. So, how about you shut the fuck up and leave me alone?"

"Why should I? I can't sleep, and this is more entertaining than staring at the ceiling. So, no, I think I'm good."

I roll my eyes, and I turn over, trying to get comfortable. I can feel his eyes boring into my back, and I squirm uncomfortably. I _hate _being stared at. Especially when I really needed some sleep. I mean, I doubted I was getting enough slumber to even help erase the damage, but a little sleep was better than none at all. I had enough trouble concentrating already as it was, added hours of insomnia weren't really a bonus.

"Don't you have something better to do than stare at me? Maybe you want to slack off, but I'm not about to quit. This is our last year here, and I'm going to make it, despite you. So how about you turn around, roll over, and get a fucking life, instead of always trying to ruin mine. I have enough problems without you."

"Whatever, you stupid whore."

_That does it! _I growl a little, and I can feel my body tensing. Excuse me? I was a whore, yes. There was no denying that fact. Good girls didn't hook up with two different men, both of which should've been men that were not in my sights at all. Sure, I'd been immoral, and I'd fucked up things just fine and dandy. But, who was Christian to judge?

"Yes, I may be a whore. I admit it. But you know, I'm not the only one who didn't keep their legs closed."

"Way to state the obvious, Rose. I already knew you weren't the only one. I mean, there was also Lissa. I'm just wondering, who taught who how to become such a shameless slut? It's pretty low, and I just pity your lack of self-respect."

Before I can even think, or process what happens next, I am on my feet. With a new, strange surge of strength, and before Christian can blink, I punch him as hard as I can. I hear a crack, and I step back, panting. I hear Christian hiss, and I watch his eyes darken, and his fists clench. I don't see any blood gushing, much to my dismay.

I had been hoping to break the fucker's nose, but it appears all I had done was pop his jaw out of place. "What the fuck was that for?" He snarls, jumping to his own feet, and yanking me backwards by the hair. I don't even whimper. I'd been grabbed by the hair many times, so it was a rather pointless move.

"To bring you to your senses. You know, you're not as pure as you seem to think. If I remember correctly, it takes two to tango, and you didn't accidentally fall into my vagina. You had every right to say no, but you didn't. So maybe, instead of sitting here and blaming me for everything, you might want to take a look in the mirror. I'm not perfect, but I never claimed to be. I have already apologized. There's nothing else I can do. You have a problem with me? Solve it. You think I'm trippin'? Tie my shoes. You can't stand me? Sit down. You can't face me? Turn around."

"You're such a worthless bitch." He yells, before shoving me forward, his grip releasing my hair. I almost fall on my face, but I manage to catch myself just barely by the arms. I am shocked. I have been called every name in the book, or I had once thought that. However, I had never been called worthless. What fucking right did he have to tell me what I was worth?

That word stings, and I fight off the urge to cry. I'm stressed, I'm hurt, and I am in a fragile state. I leap to my feet, and without another word, I walk into the bathroom and slam the door shut. Fuck him. I was done with trying to keep the peace between the two of us. If he wanted to treat me like shit and make unfair calls about who I am as a person, game on.

Normally, I was against pointing out people's flaws, because I figured they could already see them. But Christian? He clearly wasn't even fucking human. If there was one word I refused to use, it was worthless. I didn't care how much I hated someone. I could want them dead that very second, but I still wouldn't call them worthless. No one deserved that.

I let the tears spill out silently as I lock the door. I listen carefully, making sure that he's not planning any surprise attacks, before grabbing my razor blade. I had never thought Christian would ever be a reason for me to mark my skin, but I'd already done it once because of him, so what was another dozen more times?

I hear him banging against the door, hard. I try to block out the pain, and I try to ignore the fact that all that separates us is a wooden door. "Rose. open the fucking door!" Christian snarls, banging even harder against the door. I hold back a choked sob, and I can feel the tears falling down my cheeks. I just want to end it all, right now. Maybe I will.

"Come on Rose, stop being a fucking worthless pussy and get your ass out here. We're not finished."

He continues to taunt me, and I wonder how much longer I can hold out. _Whore. Worthless emo bitch. Pathetic, self-pitying cunt. _I can't even pick up the blade long enough to do anything, because I'm shaking, and I'm biting my lip so hard to avoid letting out my frantic sobs. I've remained quiet so far, but I know it's only a matter of time before I won't be able to keep quiet.

I hear him pound, one final time. "Gee, Rose. What the fuck are you doing in there? Are you going to kill yourself? You're a worthless, pathetic whore who should go kill herself."

See? Even Christian agreed. I was pathetic, and I wasn't doing anyone a favor by sticking around, putting up my stupid act. His request makes the tears fall harder, as I let all the anger and frustration out. I can't control myself anymore. His comment makes me snap in half. It's the most painful feeling I've ever felt in my entire life, and I'm done.

I was tired of walking around, trying to keep my head held high despite all the frequent whispers. I tried to be invincible on my own, but it wasn't worth it. If all I had to look forward to was this wallowing sadness that was so painful that I was doubling over, then fuck it. If Christian Ozera wanted Rose dead, I'd grant him it. He could consider this my final apology to him.

I dig the blade into my flesh, wincing a little at the pain, before sighing as the blood once again begins seeping out of my cuts. This would've been the point where the old Rose would have admitted that she needed help. That she was batshit crazy for real. I mean, what _sane _person willingly inflicted pain upon themselves? Not anyone that I knew.

But, once I start digging the blade into my skin, I don't stop. I move up further down my wrist, almost to my elbow, because that's where I have a little room left. The rest of my arm is covered in deep, crimson cuts. I move my blade to cut vertically across the main artery. I had been careful up to this point to never cut vertically, always horizontally. After all, the old saying was "Horizontal: hospital. Vertical: mortuary."

I dig as deep as I can, wincing slightly in pain. But, this pain is nowhere close to the pain I'm feeling internally. I can no longer think straight. All I can think about is dying. I hoped Satan was ready to greet me at the gate. I was finally going to be free.

The blood begins seeping out, quicker than it ever has before. It's beginning to drop onto the floor, and I lean back, letting a calm sense sweep over me at last. I don't hear any noise from the other side, and I'm relieved that he gave up. It made me feel a lot less pathetic that I was giving up too. I had just said I was going to keep fighting, I _had wanted _to keep on fighting. To prove everyone who ever doubted me wrong. But now, it seemed like a wasted effort.

The room is starting to spin, but I'm ok with the nauseating dizziness that is consuming my body. I sink lower to the floor, now laying on my back. I close my eyes, and a slow smile spreads over my face. For the first time in forever, I was doing what felt right. I'm sure everyone would eventually get over the initial shock of it all.

I mean, no one cared if I died anyway. No one gave a single fuck about me anymore, and it was all thanks to me. They were already happier without me, and now they could be ecstatic. My breaths are becoming deeper and slower, and all the sounds are becoming fuzzy. But, I tune everything out. I was going to spend my last waking moments thinking about things that _I _wanted to happen.

I thought about when Lissa and I were little, and we vowed to best friends. I pictured her and Dimitri together. For some reason, the thought no longer bothered me. Maybe because I knew that soon, I would just be a speck of dust in their memories. I was no longer angry, at anyone. Especially not at Christian. After all, he had convinced me to finally do this. In a way, I had him to thank for all of this.

Now I was getting what I wanted, and it felt fucking fantastic. I am slipping even further into the clutches of unconsciousness, no longer just kissing around the seams. Any minute now, and it was over. I vaguely think I hear another knock on the door. And it sounds loud, even though I can hardly hear anything. I can't even hear the beating of my own heart.

I weakly scold myself._ Duh Rose, you're just being stupid. Christian doesn't give a fuck about you, so it can't be him. You're dying, Rose. All alone. _My lips curl into a relaxed smile. The thought of being alone didn't bother me at all. Actually, it brought a rare sense of peace, and it seemed like a fitting way for me to die. Long ago, I would've imagined all these people at my funeral, reminiscing in memories from growing up with me.

And in those dreams, Lissa and Dimitri were always front in center, crying at their loss, but also remembering pleasant times with me. I didn't want anyone to be sad. In a way, I was getting that wish. No one would be sad. Hell, I'm sure even my own mother was going to throw a celebration at the good news. I had driven myself to become alone, and now at least I knew that I would die with only honesty surrounding me.

I wasn't scared of death. I was ready to greet my old friend Death, and possibly even give him a kiss on the cheek. There is a louder sound, but I don't worry about it. Even if someone had broken in, which was impossible, because the only other person who was here was Christian, it was too late. There was no reason he would come in here, and the door made a different sound when it was opened. There was no squeaking.

_You're only dreaming Rose._ I vaguely feel a little warmth on my right arm, and I figure it must just be more blood. "Rose." I hear someone say, but it comes out as a gentle murmur. I can't even tell whose voice it is. Maybe I was going to meet my guardian angel or whatever came with death. I open my eyes, and everything is white, with black seeping in various places. All I can see is a human shape. It must be my guardian angel after all.

I weakly grab their hand, and I give them a smile. "I'm ready to go... angel. Whether... it's... to heaven or hell, is up... to you, or maybe God..." I murmur, before everything fades to black, and I close my eyes. Goodbye, cruel world, goodbye.


	17. Wretches and Kings

_I had never really given much thought to what came after death. Sure, I had always been a little curious about whether there really was a light at the end of the tunnel, but it wasn't something I stressed over too often. I didn't see the point in stressing over things I had no control over. Everyone died at some point; It was the natural cycle of things, and I had never been afraid of death._

_But, this pitch blackness had me feeling a little... Uneasy. I mean, I had never totally bought into the bright light and angels coming to greet me mumbo jumbo, but I was craving a little bit of company right now. Everything was pitch black, and I felt completely isolated. If this was how death really was, then I pitied the dead and found a small sliver of myself wishing I was still alive._

_Everything is purely silent, and the lack of sound makes my skin crawl in discomfort. I don't like being alone with my thoughts. I thought that being dead was supposed to be an eternal rest; Like being in an unmoving trance where I would be filled with content and everlasting peace. This wasn't quite what I had in mind. But, I made this bed, so I must lie in it._

_Still, I'm not really sure how I'm supposed to endure a lifetime of such... boredom. I didn't think I could manage sitting here in darkness for an eternity with nothing but my own plaguing thoughts for company. Surely I didn't deserve this? I mean, if this was my life, I was going to go apeshit within the hour. There was only so much nothingness that I could take before I lost it. Not that it would really matter, since I'm dead anyway._

_I know I wished for this, and I find myself slowly and gradually finding acceptance, but not without great reluctance. If this was what the afterlife had held all of these years, why did people pray for death so often? Truth be told, this cold, black abyss seemed like my own personal form of hell. I didn't know how I was going to make it through an eternity of this. I was sort of hoping that reincarnation was a possibility. Even having a 14 day lifespan as a fly beat this gloomy nothingness._

* * *

**Christian's POV:**

I was feeling immensely guilty, and that kind of pissed me off. I mean, I was possibly the biggest asshole in the history of tools, but it's not like I actually **wanted **someone to die because of something I said. I hated Rose, and I didn't know if that was ever subject to change. But, the last thing I had ever expected was for her to actually take my words to heart and try to kill herself.

I was a piece of shit, and I was certain there was a special place in hell for people like me. I had always viewed Rose as this unbreakable, strong person who would never give in to peer pressure. Secretly I had once even admired her composure and how she never seemed to let anything get to her. But, she had been struggling, and I was too self-absorbed to even notice.

There was no excusing my behavior, and I doubted she would ever forgive me for all the things I said to her. Fuck, I didn't even think I could forgive myself for the inexcusable things I had said to Rose. This didn't necessarily mean that I wanted her back in my life. That was the furthest thing from the truth. However, I didn't want to put her through anymore shit than I already had, because finding her on the bathroom floor had scared the living shit out of me.

Blood... There had been so much blood. I hadn't even noticed she was cutting, and yet there she was, covered in crimson scars. I cursed myself for not even realizing that she had been hurting that badly. Rose had never been the type to admit defeat, but If I had just taken five minutes out of my biased and hateful opinions towards her, I might have seen just how broken she truly was.

This was all my fault, and I had no doubt that things would never be the same. I was now sitting in the waiting room while Rose lay in the Intensive Care Unit. The doctors weren't telling me anything, and I was starting to freak out. In a way, I felt responsible, and I felt bad because I was the only one who even knew that Rose was in here right now.

I had been sitting here for hours now, and there was still no sign of a doctor, and the receptionist refused to let me past the door. I was literally being eaten alive from the inside with guilt right now, and getting past her seemed liked the only sustainable way to either ease or tear apart my conscience. I figured the chances of her actually surviving such a fatal wound were slim to nothing, but it was that tiny possibility that made me anxious.

I glanced at the clock. 6:45 a.m. that meant that I had been in this shithole for at least 3 hours now. What the hell were they doing in there? If she was dead, shouldn't someone of been notified by now? I mean, this was just cruel. I wasn't really the model spokesperson for kind or decent, but this was beyond bullshit. Was she fucking dead or wasn't she?

My impatience has reached an all time low, and I decide that fuck it, I'm done waiting around to hear how her life is doing. Without a single glance at the receptionist I barge right past her, ignoring her very loud protests. I have no idea what room Rose is in, but I catch her scent quick enough, so it isn't really a challenge to find it.

Her room is empty, minus a very still figure in the thin, crappy bed. The room reeks of anesthesia and sorrow, and I don't like it. I have never liked hospitals, and the stench is making my skin start to crawl. Rose is laying there, with about a million different tubes sticking out of miscellaneous parts of her body. She is motionless, but the sluggish beeps on the monitor tell me that she isn't deceased quite yet.

I take a reluctant step towards her, even though I'm not really sure why I'm even here. I could give a fuck less about her well-being, and approaching her isn't really a hate-oriented response. I think it's merely due to the overwhelming guilt I feel, because every single bit of this is my fault. If I would've just kept my stupid fucking mouth shut, none of this would of happened.

I just couldn't take the feelings I was experiencing. I felt like the biggest piece of shit in the entire history of douchebags, and I was pretty sure I was ranked pretty highly up there on the list. I didn't want to feel this way, and if justifying my conscience by waiting here with a person that I despised was the way to do it, then so be it. That's how I would deal with it.

"She's in a coma. I don't even know if she'll ever wake up. She lost a lot of blood, and her vitals are incredibly weak. There is a very good chance that she won't even make it through the night." A quiet voice says from behind me. I whirl around and my eyes widen as I take in the sight of who I am assuming must be Rose's mother. They look so much alike, minus a slight difference in hues in their hair. (Rose's is a slightly darken.)

"Close your mouth unless you want flies to take up residence."

"You must be Rose's mother."

"Yes, I am Janine. But, I'm sure neither of us came here to make small talk or try to converse."

"Why are you here then?" I snap. I remember a conversation I had with Rose a few months ago; I recall her telling me about how her mom basically abandoned her and could give even less of a shit than I did.

Her face remains stony, and she ignores my glare as she boldly walks over to Rose's bed and sits down on the end of it. Her eyes soften at the sight of Rose, and I'm debating on whether I should just leave. I mean, Rose is no longer alone, so there's really no reason for me to stay here or anything. I had no further obligations.

"I am her mother still."

"Yeah, well you've done a pretty shitty job of acting like one." I retort, leaning up against a wall, my eyes fixated on the sight of them together.

"I can't deny that. But, it's like we always say: 'They come first.' I got the call a few hours ago, and I rushed here. If this is in, in fact, her last day or whatever, I wanted to see her one last time. I owe her that much at least."

"You don't owe her anything. You don't even deserve to be in her life."

"Yeah? Well, why are you here? I happen to know you were the last person to see her before the accident, and the person who rushed her here. I don't keep tabs on my daughter as much as I should, but I _know _that you're responsible for this. I hope it haunts you for the rest of your life, and makes you squirm in regret every time your disgraceful eyes rest upon her. Before you judge me, you better make sure your hands are clean too."

My mouth opens slightly, and I am absolutely speechless. I have a million questions I want to ask Janine, but she gives me one final, stern look before she turns her body completely away from me. I take that as a sign to leave, and I don't look back. Thoughts are swarming through my head as I briskly walk back towards my dorm. But then I realize that I really don't want to return there. At least not yet.

So, with a new surge of energy, I head the opposite direction, south. I walk faster than before, trying to fight off the bright and frosty morning. I don't want to be out here any longer than I need to be. This is probably not a good place to be either, but it's empty, and I can trust that no one will interrupt me. I am incredibly fatigued, and I decide that it's time to get a couple hours of sleep.

If Rose dies, she'll die without my tarnished presence there. I don't deserve to be there with her. Now would be the time for family members to surround her, people who honestly love her. It's just too bad that she doesn't really have anyone like that. I guess now that I think about it, Rose and I were actually a lot more similar than I thought. We were both alone, trapped in solitary confinement with no one else to give a damn about our existence.

The door is locked, but with a couple swift turns, I manage to get the door open. Being a moroi did have certain perks. The room smells stale and slightly musky, and I can tell that it's been a while since any living thing was in here. The room looks untouched, and if I didn't know better, I would believe that Rose would be walking through the door any minute.

But, thanks to me, she probably wasn't even leaving that hospital bed ever again. I kick off my shoes, and after several moments of staring at the room in self-loathing, I approach the bed. It's still messy, and I smirk a little. At least some things never changed. Without a second thought, I curl under the blankets, and my mind begins to instantly shut off. For the fist time in months, I don't have a single fucking thought.


	18. Creatures Lie Here

**_Rose's POV:_**

_The abrasive blackness had faded, and now I was standing on a random stone. That was it. There was a single stone. I take a step forward, and another stone appears. So, without a single glance back, I begin moving along the stones, one at a time. I don't bother to look around, because it was still purely black, and now wasn't really a time to be going sight seeing. It looked sort of like some crappy Photoshop creation._

_After endless amounts of time walking, the surrounding areas light up. It's almost as if someone turned on an unseen light switch. Where the hell was I? If I was supposed to see my judgement day or whatever it was that followed, why the goose chase? It hardly seemed to benefit anyone. But then again, it wasn't like I really had anything better to do. Or any other choice. I glanced back and notice that there is nothing behind me. Nothing but the familiar black abyss. I suck up my impatience and continue to walk forward. I'm not sure if anything awaits me or if this is a pointless journey, but I wasn't going to stand idle._

_As time progresses, I start to notice dark shapes lurking around me. I can't make out what they are, but I do observe that these objects move. I start to feel a little uneasy. I had no clue what the hell was going on. All I knew was that I had to move forward. I can feel eyes burning into my back, but there is nothing else here. Notice I said nothing. Who knew what crazy creatures I could expect to encounter? No one who died had ever came back to describe death._

* * *

_I find myself in the outskirts of an old fashioned village. The streets are made out of cobblestone, the buildings have a lot of arcs, and I see a lot of carts parked in various locations. It's pretty, and it holds some signs of hope. Civilization at last. But when I step onto the cobblestone, an eery thing happens. I start to hear faint music from an unknown direction. I start to walk through this town, my eyes scanning around often for any signs of life. Surely humanity had not ceased in the short hours that I had been dead._

_I note that I am in Calypso Plaza, although I'm not entirely sure what good that's going to do me. I still have no idea where I am, and this village clearly isn't a tourist hotspot, since I don't see any signs giving a name to this strange and vacant place. I decide to enter a quaint looking tavern. Maybe everyone would be drunk, but it had to have at least one person in there, and one person was better than none._

_I open the door, and I cringe when it creaks loudly. I hated the sound of creaking items, and I feel a rise of goosebumps on my neck. Something about this place felt wrong. It felt as if something bad was waiting inside, but I swallow my irrational fears and tell myself that I really have nothing to worry about. I was already dead, so I didn't think there was anything much worse that could happen to me._

_To my displeasure, the tavern is not only empty, but incredibly tarnished too. Stools thrown precariously, tables are upside down, and there is glass all over the floor. Dust floats in the air, and the windows are so caked with dirt that I can hardly see out of any of them. It was official; this place gave me the creeps. I turned to exit, only to find in horror, that the door has disappeared. I was stuck in here. I hoped for my sake that I was alone._

_I take a deep breath and try to exhale, when I hear a crunch of glass and I whirl around in panic. But there is no one there. No one at all. The strange music has gotten a lot louder, but it sounds... evil. That's the only adjective for it. It sounded like a broken record, and it was entirely unrecognizable. Just as I've convinced myself that I'm just trying to psych myself out, I hear it again. **Crunch.****  
**_

_I feel the air leave my lungs as I begin to grow incredibly freaked out. There was something else here. I was not alone. Did I dare turn around and see? I can hear shallow breathing, and I lose any ounce of bravery I had. I am trapped. There is no where to run. I turn around slowly, praying that it's not a dark demonic presence. I may be dead, but I was not partial to being drug down to chill with Satan._

_To my shock, it's a little girl. An unfamiliar little girl. Her hair is matted and filthy, tied up in two floppy ribbons. Her dress is torn, and it's covered in dried blood and other questionable stains. Her face however, is perfectly clean, and I marvel at how such a pretty girl is wearing such disgusting attire. She has blonde hair and amber eyes. It gives her a supernatural appearance that I can't explain._

_She says nothing. She just continues to stare at me with unblinking eyes, and I shift uncomfortable. She jerks her head slightly before turning and walking away, off towards the kitchen. She said nothing, but the message was clear. **Follow me.** _

_And follow her I do, even though I am wary of her presence, and I am almost certain that I walk towards some unknown doom. But something makes me trail behind her and I don't question anything as she opens a door in the disorderly looking kitchen and steps inside. The cabinets are all wide open, their contents empty and dusty. The faucet is dripping some nasty brown looking water, and I nearly jump out of my skin when I watch some cockroaches crawl out from under the fridge. Ew. I hated cockroaches. There is also a fowl stench of rotting food, though it is not too strong._

_I grab the handle of the pantry warily before I decide that there is nothing of importance in here, and the front room has vanished. The pantry is almost completely dark except for a single lightbulb that hangs dimly above me. The light it provides is next to useless, and I have to rely on feeling around with my body to avoid breaking any part of me._

_I don't know where the little girl went, but I am assuming forward. I walk as fast as I can manage, avoiding my ideas that I am trapped in a horror film. I was just waiting for something to reach out and grab me. I have cover my mouth and nose with one arm just to be able to breathe in the musty air. Every step I take makes the floor creak, and in the distance I can hear faint laughing._

_It sounds harmless enough... Like a child, I'd wager. I would be really appreciative if it was the little girl again and not some deranged mass murderer, but I'd settle for what I got. All I can say is that I am not going to heaven at this rate. This place seemed too... sinister to belong to the almighty man in the sky._

_The passageway opens into a very large, very old fashioned looking living room. There is furniture in here that I had never actually seen in real life, including a phonograph, a typewriter, and a backless couch. The wallpaper is a strange crimson color with white swirls all over. There is no fire in the fireplace and the room smells incredibly musky, but other than that, I kind of like it. As far as living places went, this is probably nicer than anything I've ever stood in before._

_I flop carelessly onto one of the overstuffed couches and immediately begin coughing and sneezing as I get a lot of dust into my sinuses. On second thought, this place didn't seem quite as lavish as I had originally thought. I see the door open just a small bit, and I decide that it must be my cue to leave._

_I open the door slowly, ignoring the odd scent coming from the room. It doesn't really smell musty like the previous room. It smells more like a mixture of faded rose and decaying milk. It was entirely unpleasant._

_I feel a shove from behind and I stumble to remain upright as the door slams shut, and it once again disappears. I was really getting sick of all this Alice in Wonderland shit that was going on. I was 500% done with all this wild goose chase business. I just wanted to sit for the rest of my afterlife and ignore everyone else. Solitude to the max I guess._

_This room is clearly another kitchen, which might explain the smell. I would really like to know why I'm stuck in a house. I want to know the significance of wherever I am stuck, and I want to know now, dammit. The kitchen is more modern than the living room was, but not by much. Actually, scratch that. It is more out of date. There is a really large pot that hangs over a fire pit, the linoleum tiles are cracked severely, and there is even an old pizza oven. I'm talking the kind they used in the 1800's._

_The lighting is very limited in here, to the point where a ghost could have his dick in my face, and I would have no clue what was going on. This room is completely silent. There is literally no sound in here. None. I can't even hear the sound of my sporadic breathing, or my heartbeat, which is still pounding against my chest._

_If every room was going to be dingy, unsafe to my health, and hold no measure of actual significance, then I was done. I was content with just plopping down on the floor and calling it an afterlife. But then again, I wasn't sure if the floor was sanitary enough for my taste. And I also realize that I'm being really silly, since I am dead, and dead people don't get sick (that I know of.)_

_Something runs across my foot, and I involuntarily let out the loudest shriek known to mankind. We're talking Moaning Myrtle level stuff here. The problem? My shriek doesn't leave my mouth. Or if it does, I can't hear it. I leap back as though I had just been electrocuted, and my eyes scan every visible inch of the room looking for the perpetrator._

_I spot a rat in the corner, and I roll my eyes. I was really getting that worked up over a teensy weensy rodent? Apparently death had made me more of a wuss, because the former Rose Hathaway did not shriek at tedious little things such as a rat. Although to be fair, this rat looked like it could be the poster child for a steroid commercial. He was huge._

_I chuckle to myself as I decide the kitchen no longer holds my attention, and it's better to venture on to the next room. The door leading to this room was clearly made for midgets, as it stood at about 3 feet tall, and that was putting it generously. My attempts to squeeze through were feeble thanks to all my curves. This door was designed for someone who wears a size 0 maybe._

_With an irritated huff I peer around for another way out of this room. I mean normally I would be thrilled to be stuck in a kitchen since the kitchen is where majestic things such as ice cream and soda are usually found, but this kitchen was bare and vacant. I didn't even see any pots or pans lying around._

_However, I do spot one of those old fashioned dumbbell elevators, and I have to reluctantly admit that it kind of looks fun When I pull on the ropes, I make sure that the ropes aren't going to snap as soon as I put a fraction of my weight on it. The ropes don't appear too worn or torn, but I don't know how durable they are going to be supporting a 140 pound girl._

_The elevator groans in protest as I other parts of it and test for anything that is terribly life threatening. I guess old habits die hard. I was used to constantly being in danger and doing my best to evade death. Now there was no real reason to be so precautious since I didn't really think there were any string of events that were going to change my fate. I was dead after all, just like I'd always wanted._

_But I guess the thing about being trapped in a vacant house with not even the sound of your own wheezing as companionship was that it gave you time to reflect. I missed Christian a little, and oddly enough, I also missed Lissa. Sure, she was sort of a backstabbing bitch, but I figured we had done the same thing to each other, and that made us even. Plus, she had been my best friend forever, and the stubborn part of me wanted her here with me._

_Rose Hathaway was generally a pretty fearless person, but being here was not doing any wonders for the tiny piece of sanity I still had. I know I said I wanted to die alone and everything, but I changed my mind. I want another soul in here, even if it's someone as lowly as Lissa's uncle Victor. Finally I decide to say fuck it, and I cram my body into the small space, ignoring the claustrophobia that's settling in._

* * *

_I had gotten out of the elevator at the first opening, so I was really, really unsure of where I was. The room or hallway or whatever I'm in is too dark to make out anything of significance. So I stumble around, relying heavily on my other senses to help me navigate. I don't like being in unknown spaces if they're dark. It's always harder to sense if any danger is lurking in the shadows._

_And in my world, shadows were a constant surrounding. I feel along the walls with caution, grimacing as I feel layers of dust slide with my fingers. Disgusting. The walls are not narrow, and I have yet to determine whether this is a narrow passageway or what. My main determination is being aware of what little I can assess of my situation. It could be the difference between chilling in the darkness for all eternity or maybe settling somewhere just a little nicer._

_I hear what sounds like a slight creaking behind me. It's almost unnoticeable, unless you're really paying attention. I feel myself halt in my tracks as I carefully steady my breathing. I force myself to listen, ignoring the fact that every part of my body is telling me to run.._

_The sound does not repeat itself, and I slowly exhale. It's probably just because the house is really old, and makes noises when it settles. There is a ticking sound coming from up ahead, and I resume my wandering._

_I notice that the shadows are beginning to get a little lighter, indicating that there must be a light source ahead. Either that, or my eyes had finally adjusted to the darkness. But I was hoping for the light._

_A large grandfather clock chimes lazily to my left, and I examine it curiously. It's at least several feet tall, and has an odd assortment of jewels around the mahogany wood. Surprisingly it's still in good shape. The design is an intricate of what appears to be turquoise, rubies, and onyx. It swirls in various directions up until the actual clock, when it becomes a little less appealing._

_In the glass part where the clock is, are eyes. Where every number should be, they are just eyes. Unmoving, wide open, glossy eyes. It was a little eerie. I feel my skin start to crawl again as I wonder what the purpose of having an eye clock is, when I think I see a slight movement in the bottom right half of the clock._

_I squint a little bit and glance at the bottom. There is no movement, and I want to slap myself. I really needed to stop psyching myself out. It was useless in a place like this. But then I see movement again, and I gape in horror as one of the eyes blinks once. I step back slightly, unsure of what to expect._

_The eye blinks again, twice, just as the clock starts to chime. One blink. Two eyes blink. Three blinks. Four eyes. It continued, until all twelve eyes were blinking, and more horrifying was the fact that all twelve pupils were focused directly on me. I could see my reflection in every eye._

_Or maybe that wasn't the worst part. The worst part was the sound of the chime. It wasn't a chime at all. It started with a laugh; A laugh that was low, and deep. And the one after that was an octave higher. But each laugh giggled as though it knew something delightful was going to happen, and I had this feeling that I wasn't going to enjoy whatever its intentions might be._

_I hauled ass out of there, ignoring the fact that it was getting darker again. That was officially the most demented clock I had ever laid eyes on. A light flickers on in the distance, and I rush towards it in hope._

_I already wanted out of here. Something about that clock had really freaked me out. I felt like it was a premonition almost. That something worse than my already damned fate was awaiting somewhere in here._

_I had drawn the conclusion that I was definitely in a hallway, and the sudden illumination provided by the light helped me confirm it. The walls here are painted a faint pink, from the few spots of actual paint left on the wall. Most of it has faded and many sections of the walls had deteriorated. Man this place was in rough shape._

_The carpet reminds me of The Shining for some reason. The strange pattern looked very similar to the hallway in the hotel, and that made this place all the more dreadful. This place was already creepy enough without the added horror film references._

_The hallway eventually splits into two different directions, and I have to make a hasty choice on which way to turn. Who knew what lie down either path?_

_I find that I've always favored my right side for some reason, so I choose to go right. The light dims a little, but the mustard yellow walls reflect enough light that I an able to pick my way through all the precariously strewn debris._

_There are a couple of rooms, but the doors are shut, and there is a lot of rubble in front of them. Well, that's the case until I get to the third and final door. This door is more accessible, but not by much. Do I go in?_

_As if it can sense my doubting thoughts, it creaks open slightly. Great. Yeah, that really made me want to go in. But it looks like I am given no choice, because there is nothing behind me. Absolutely nothing. It all disappeared._

_Mustering up my last ounce of courage, I proceed forward, into what might be the abyss of hell for all I know. Predictably, the door closed and disappeared. Hey, look at that. I was getting good at this._

_This room is different from the other rooms. For starters, it is freezing in here. I can see my breath everytime I exhale. I wrap my arms around myself and try not to shiver. It just figured that I wasn't wearing the right type of clothes for this sort of environment. Peachy._

_This room looks to be a child's bedroom. Out of all the rooms I've been in, it's in the best shape. The walls are painted a crimson shade, and childish drawings fill the walls. I'd estimate this child to be a girl, and about 4 or 5 years old._

_The bed is massive, with a predictable yet fitting pink bed set, and a canopy hanging above. I wish I would've had a bed like this growing up. This girl was lucky. Toys scatter the floor, and I pick my way through the room slowly._

_I spot a rocking horse in the corner, and to my immediate surprise, there is someone sitting on the rocking horse, staring right at me._


End file.
